So, you’ve decided you’re picking a football team this year and joining the crazed past-time of the fall months. But you know close to nothing about the sports, players, and all too important trivial facts and statistics. You just want to be included and maybe try to understand. If you can’t make it to the pumpkin patch, you might as well patch yourself to the couch with your friends and participate in the comradery. These tips for picking a football team take off the pressure of finding the perfect team because honestly, you don’t care that much.
If you are trying to pick a football team, you should know all of your choices first. Many sports fanatics pick their teams based on home-town loyalty so it’s a good place to start. Look at the teams in your area and see if any peak your interest, plus the chances of anyone ridiculing you for picking a football team based on your hometown are low. They might banter about stats if that team isn’t considered “good” but they likely won’t question your loyalty. Additionally, know the rivalries, you’ll look like an amateur if you don’t immediately follow “I’m a ___ fan” with “Screw the ___’s.” It’s football law learn it, love it, live it.
If they start to mock you, hit them with some color theory. Now, where do their fantasy stats stand? You just beat them down with psychology. If they can hit you with arbitrary statistics, history facts, and insignificant details that are all apparently supposed to mean something, you can hit them with color meaning as a defense on your strategy for picking a football team. An example could be saying you chose the 49ers because their jerseys are red. Red, signifies power and dominance and now hit them with gold as a signifying wealth, wisdom, and courage. Those traits alone made picking a football team easy. Plus, red is your color and you’ll pull off that jersey better than any player on the field.
Picking a football team when you aren’t really invested, seems like more work than it’s worth based on how people talk about the sport, but the internet always has an answer. If nothing else, this might give you a better idea of what teams you want, you might have some instant reaction as either happy or sad or indifferent. Make your decision based on those feelings. It’s like when you flip a coin and you suddenly know the side you want it to land on. Plus quizzes are always fun and they give some fun explanations as to why this would be a good team for you to root for. Use the quizzes explanations for your defense and leave it at that.
If your favorite animal growing up was a cat and now you want to support an NFL team, try the panthers. There’s no set formula and perfect path to follow for picking a football team. Whatever inkling, prophetic dream, or just blind picking led you to your team, defend until you defeat your sparring partner. It’s time to put your debate skills to the test and learn how to defend with even the most ridiculous argument. Listen to the reasons other people have for picking their football team and parrot them if they fit your situation.
Clearly, since you are a girl, the only reason you could possibly want to watch football is to stare at the hot men on the field or are trying to get a guy to date you. You can’t just like something for entertainment. But you know, guys can definitely want to learn yoga for their health. Anyways double standards obviously don’t exist. So, since they don’t, a simple “I just like them” should be the only defense you need in picking a football team for the season. Who are you trying to impress when you rattle off facts and stats about your team @men when you justify why you picked your team? Honestly, they don’t make that big of a difference. What are you compensating for?
Obviously, if you claim to like a sports team, you must know even the smallest detail down to the quarterback’s shoe size to be a true fan. So, to prove your validity into the sports-crazed cult of your preferred team or even to be a citizen of the football nation, you must know arbitrary facts that somehow deem your worthiness. Once you’ve announced you are picking a football team for the season, you’ll have a lot of information thrown at you by those who believe they know everything about all things football. There may be some good advice in there but for the most part, just let them drone on and feel better about their own team. Once you’ve picked your team, try to have at least three arbitrary facts ready that support your team and give you the authority in football nation.
The most important part of football is yelling. The coaches do it. The players do it. The fans do it. That means you now. Common phrases to yell after picking a football team include but are not limited to: “Oh, come on ref!?” “Seriously, who taught you to throw? A mannequin?” “What are you even doing!?” Honestly, the last question works the best because you might actually be thinking that but it looks like you are really invested in the game. Yelling for the win. Besides half the fun of picking a football team comes from permission to yell once a week for 17 weeks straight.
If you’re picking a football team and are even 25% invested in the games while they are on, you’re already ahead of where you were last season. You might not know about season running yard, two-point conversion statistics, or are even fairly confident in where the end-zone is, but you’re trying. Anyone who makes fun of another person for wanting and trying to learn something new is a dick. Don’t listen to them and do your own thing girl.
Well, when you listen to grown men yelling about how they know better than the professionals on the screen making millions of dollars a year, they seem a bit irrational. You can rest easy knowing you aren’t picking a football team trying to relive the glory days that didn’t exactly land you on the big gridiron. It’s a game and something fun to watch, contrary to crazed fans believing it’s the best and only lifestyle to be lived. Enjoy the show without investing much or reliving a time in your life you’ll never get back.
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