Every person is different so every relationship is different. But every friend, family member, celebrity and magazine seems to have an idea of how your relationship should function and progress, and calls you out when they think something isn’t normal- but here’s the down low. Can you have a relationship without intimacy?
For some couples, intimacy is being all over each other and never cooling it with the PDA, for others heartfelt declarations of love are more their speed, for some it’s shown through extravagant gifts and for some its through little gestures and helping hands. It can be a combination of any. Everyone speaks a different love language. So we wonder can you have a relationship without intimacy? Even more importantly it can be none of the above.
We define our relationships- they don’t define us. Just because there are societal pressures to present and express intimacy in a limited number of ways that doesn’t mean that that’s what works for you. Find your own flow, nothing has to fit into the cookie cutter mould of what a relationship is or should be, there’s no time scale and no need to “progress” or change to different forms of intimacy if they just don’t suit you.
Some people just aren’t physically affectionate- especially in public- and that’s okay! Often dependent on their position on the asexual spectrum some people just aren’t interested in physical intimacy and that’s okay too! Everyone is different.
Try not to worry about what your friends or family think about your relationship intimacy- you’re not in a relationship with them after all! You don’t need to performatively change your intimacy style just to please others, do what feels right and comfortable for you. If the way you express intimacy is an issue for you, YOU and not what other people think, then its okay to seek professional advice through therapist services to work through why you feel that way.
If your partner just isn’t into intimacy in the same way you are its okay to ask them for more. Relationships are all about consensual give and take, of course they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do, but often they won’t mind ramping up the affection to a level you’re both still comfortable if its an issue for you.
This doesn’t make you, or your partner bad or neglectful. It often just means youre not compatible- and that’s okay. If you’ve talked it out and what you both want and need just can’t reach a happy medium its okay to say you gave it your best shot but you just didn’t work- its not fair for one or both of you to live unhappily.
Many relationship therapists have debated whether intimacy is essential and come up with a million answers. But at the end of the day, its up to you and your partner and no one else’s opinion really matters. If you’re both 100% comfortable with your level, or lack there of, of intimacy- then who cares! It works for you and that’s perfect! Try to get out your heard thinking of what others think and follow your own truth. It’s up to you and your partner to figure it out.
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