The Dos And Don’ts Of A Cinema Date

Ah, the cinema date, a minefield of pitfalls and faux pas. Or just a fun evening out. Either way, here are some useful do’s and don’ts to ease the ole nerves!

Do: Eat What You Please

I don’t know about you, but for me, the main draw of the cinema date is its hot, fresh popcorn – sweet, not salty. If there’s no popcorn, there’s no sign of me. I’m elsewhere, probably eating popcorn.

Dates are stressful enough. Why do people insist upon these arbitrary rules that decree what you can and can’t consume? It doesn’t matter what your ideal movie food track is – tacos, sweets, chocolate, crisps. Just enjoy. If someone is so uptight that they can’t handle it, imagine what else they’re weird about? Red flag, you’re on a date with Patrick Bateman.

Don’t: Forget Your Table Manners

Returning to my previous pearl of wisdom, whilst it’s great snacking to your heart’s content on a cinema date, it’s also great to refrain from impersonating a thoroughbred horse chomping on hay.

There’s only one thing I hate more than sitting through a movie sans popcorn: sitting through a movie sans popcorn, whilst listening to a nearby noisy popcorn eater. And the rustlers! There are rustlers out there right now, plunging their hands into popcorn buckets with the kind of force FBI profilers refer to as overkill. Same goes for sweet/crisp packaging.

Loud chewing and ransacking are unnecessary, please spare us, fellow snack monsters.

Do: Actually Enjoy The Movie

Seems like I’m stating the obvious right? Wrong. If you’re on a date, chances are you’re feeling a range of emotions, comparable to those of an auditionee for The Bachelor. You’re nervous. You’re wondering why on earth you’ve inflicted this torture upon yourself. Unsurprisingly, it’s easy to neglect the enjoyment of the film you’ve paid to see.

Try not to sit in the dark for two and a half hours worrying. Going to the cinema is an expensive excursion, and whilst you can’t really control how much someone falls for you, you can choose to sit back and absorb movie magic.

Don’t: Worry If There’s Minimal Conversation

Frankly, this is why I’m not a fan of the cinema date. It doesn’t really…work?! You make all this effort to go and meet someone, only to sit in the dark together, wordless, for several hours.

If you’re the kind of person who talks when they’re nervous, try to resist the urge. It’s not an “awkward” silence, it’s cinema silence, because everyone’s, y’ know, enjoying the movie. Attempting to shout over the on-screen happenings makes you that loud idiot everyone in the cinema silently hates. Including your date by the end of the movie.

An Open Letter To My Ex’s Friends

Do: Wear Somewhat Comfortable Attire

Of course, you want to look like a casual goddess on your date. This is not a recommendation to show up in your pajamas or dog-walking rags. That being said, we now live in a world bursting at the seams with skinny jeans, bodycon and many other crimes against the act of exhalation.

I can’t deny how great these things look – my wardrobe is proof. But a cinema date sitting in some cramped, velveteen chair, trapped in a tubular construction with the give of a boa constrictor’s embrace? Nope.

Don’t: Agree To See A Movie You Totally Hate

I’m not suggesting you outright refuse to watch anything that deviates from your usual tastes. Most of us have suffered through a French, subtitled, art house “masterpiece” in muted agony, feigning deep interest. Or that three-hour superhero blockbuster comprised almost entirely of car explosions. All for love.

Relationships involve compromise. However. If you really, really hate Mark Wahlberg movies, forcing yourself to watch a Mark Wahlberg movie for a date is a bad jumping-off point. If your date wants to see something that is totally offensive to you/your beliefs, you don’t have to agree. You matter, girl, and so do your opinions.