Fat’s? Yeah, I know her. The place where your squad gathers more often than you all should to drink excessively and make poor decisions. We were all lost after the tragic loss of Cantina early last year (RIP), but we found a place to take our absurdity to the next level. Here are a few things that will 100% happen to you if you step foot into Fat Daddy’s.
This one is inevitable, so be prepared. Someone may turn around and bump into you and spill the drink they are holding on you. Some drunk girl might also just drop her drink on you and only give you a half-hearted apology. Either way, it’s going to happen probably more than once, so watch out.
You might be that drunk girl and your drink magically slips out of your hand. The couple next to you may also be getting too into Dennis’ greatest hits and are grinding so hard that they bump into you and knock your drink out of your hand.
Sorry ladies, but open-toed shoes may not be the move. Someone may drop their Smirnoff Ice because they can’t hang or let the loaded slip out of their hand when the cops walk in … and once that glass bottle hits the ground, the shards are going straight into your foot. Make sure to get some cute booties or high platforms to stay safe.
If you don’t have a designated pair of “Fat’s Shoes”, you’re doing it wrong. With all of the drinks hitting the floor, it will eventually get so muddy that your shoes will come out black at the end of the night.
Do you know how many times I’ve turned around after getting a drink and my homies are nowhere to be found? I’m not sure how you can lose your squad in such a small place, but it is possible. Always have a buddy or you could be looking at a forecast of bad decisions.
It’s a mission walking back to your squad after going to the bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror for five minutes even though you look as trashed as you feel. Why? Because there are always those people who refuse to move out of the way and then give you the side-eye if you push past them. Maybe if you weren’t so focused on the guy who is a giant waste of your time, you wouldn’t be risking getting your drink pushed out of your hand because some girl is trying to get back to her squad.
You are going to see people you know when you go to Fat’s. That’s the point of even going there in the first place. However, there is a high chance that you see that one person that you do not want to see . . . so what do you do? Drowning yourself in cheap alcohol, acting like you don’t see them or finding a better distraction usually does the trick.
This is what we all look forward to. We have all seen the videos of some of the best moments on the Fats bar. Every time a girl gets up there, we stand there, waiting in anticipation for something to go wrong. If something does go wrong, you KNOW our phones are out and ready to make sure that girl will never forget.
The words “last call” make your heart drop. It’s almost time to go so you HAVE to get one more drink, which is usually a bad idea. The lights turn on and you instantly start chugging your drink before it’s too late. The worst part? You’re thrown out the back, more drunk then you were 15 minutes ago and now have to find a place to go because now going home isn’t an option.
At the end of the day, regardless of the good and bad things that might happen, people will still show up to Fats at 7:00 PM on a Friday night so no one else can get in after 9 (please stop). Fat’s, I hope Summer B is treating you well. I can’t wait for you to be the root of my poor decisions in the fall.
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