20 Signs That You Have An Alpharetta Helicopter Mom

If you grew up in Alpharetta, then chances are that your mom is guilty of at least one of these things. These are signs that you have a helicopter mom!

Let’s face it, Alpharetta is overflowing with helicopter moms. But how many people will actually admit that they have an Alpharetta helicopter mom? If you grew up in Alpharetta, then chances are that your mom is guilty of at least one of these things.

1. The back of your mom’s car is covered with bumper stickers.

Stickers. Everywhere. With a wide range that includes political statements, club promotions, and most importantly, the little stick figure family.

2. Your friends are on a first name basis with your mom.

“ Just call me Karen! Please, I’m not that old.”. Whether it be her way of maintaining her youth or your friends way of showing how comfortable they are with her, it is definitely a sign of an Alpharetta helicopter mom.

3. Telling her you’re taking the Marta is like telling her you’re going off to war.

Unfortunately the one night you have tickets for a concert in Atlanta is the same night she is hosting book club. So she gives you a small bag with food, a flashlight, a walkie talkie, and febreeze spray in case someone tries to mug you (because pepper spray is a little too dangerous).

4. It feels like checking your grades is her favorite pastime.

You silently curse home access center/ the student grade portal as your mom yells at you for getting a 72.3% on the quiz you took twenty-six minutes ago.

5. Your mom is more involved at the school than you.

Although she may not get to put the positions on her college application, she is still more than willing to be PTA President, Treasurer of the Speech Team, and work at the attendance office all for a salary of $0 dollars per year.

6. She has had your high school curriculum planned out since day one.

She makes sure your schedule for next year isn’t too rigorous (because she thinks you need to focus on your social skills), but also makes sure that there are just enough AP’s for you to get into UGA.

7. Your mom tells you to “be careful” when you go out to Avalon.

From the overcrowded parking to the long line at Jeni’s, what Alpharetta mom wouldn’t be afraid of the horrors Avalon could hold for their kids?!

8. You get to senior year of high school and your mom is still packing your lunch for you.

Yeah, you’re 18 years old. Yeah, you’re going off to college in less than a year. But does that mean you’re gonna remember to pack your lunch? Nope.

9. There’s no need to hire a college counselor, because she is one.

Not only does she know every college you should apply for, but she has already calculated what you need to do to get into every single one of those colleges.

10. But she hired one anyways.

Better safe than sorry, right?

11. Your mom wouldn’t let you wear Crocs in elementary school.

Your childhood is forever stained by the misery of being left out in 4th grade when everyone would brag about how many different Jibbitz they had on their Crocs. But at least your mom didn’t have to worry about wood chips stabbing into your foot during recess.

12. Her Costco membership is her life.

Baked goods, allergy pills, college team merchandise, and freezer food: what more could a helicopter mom ask for?

13. Your mom is more popular at your high school than you.

Maybe you’re not everybody’s favorite person at the school, but that doesn’t mean that your mom can’t be. Chances are she spends more time at school than you do, so of course she’s going to have more friends than you!

14. She has an extensive and diverse list of activities.

Between her running group, yoga classes, and book clubs meetings it’s hard to believe she even had the time to give birth to you.

15. Your house is filled with organic food.

Organic oreos may not be as good as the non-organic ones, but you’ll eat just about anything to avoid your Mom’s lecture about all the downsides to non-organic food.

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16. She knows all the gossip in your friend group.

The best part about this is when your friends tell her the gossip and she has to pretend like she doesn’t already know everything they are telling her. But we all know that the drama in your friend group is nothing compared to the drama in her book club.

17. You have zero memories of making your geobot project because your mom made it for you.

Who can blame her? Not only was it a ridiculous project to assign a 6th grader, but it was a chance for her to get her creatives juices going.

18. She doesn’t ask you where you are, she tracks you.

Whether it be through the Find iPhone App or the chip she planted inside your brain the day you were born, Helicopter moms can’t help but taking advantage of this.

19. But she is still worrying even if she tracks you.

She knows exactly where you are. Exactly how many miles away. Exactly how many minutes away. But does this stop her from worrying? Nope. Not at all.

20. She is basically the family manager.

Sunday nights she writes out the game plan. Grace has her orthodontist appointment 9:00am on Monday, Eric needs to leave for soccer practice 6:00pm sharp on Tuesday, Dad needs to call the plumber by approximately 2:00pm on Wednesday, ect. No matter how crazy the schedule is, the Alpharetta helicopter mom is.