To be in a loving relationship is something we all want. It’s about feeling wanted, and as if someone truly can look at you and see beauty between all the faults we have. Unfortunately, there will be times when relationships don’t turn out the way we planned. Here are 8 reasons why people tend to lie in relationships.
1. It’s hard to let go
When you meet someone you fancy a lot, there is a sense of vulnerability that has to be let down so that the other person can feel connected. Many of us have a hard time when put into a relationship. Some reasons could be because we are all on our own journeys in life.
We have all grown up with different families, different experiences, and different people. Your life experience is never going to be identical to the person you are in a relationship with. The hard part starts to show when you are dating someone and they have dealt with their own fair share of let downs. Putting trust in people is a hard thing to do and lying sometimes feels easier than letting someone completely down especially when you have learned that they were hurt in their past.
2. Guilt trip
Nobody’s perfect. Plain and simple. Okay, maybe not so plain and simple but it gets the point across. Not all of us are angels. We make mistakes, and sometimes we forget that our actions hurt those around us. A lot of those times when we do something that will hurt the person we are in a relationship with, you know it won’t be an easy conversation to tell them. That’s where the guilt comes into play.
Guilt follows anytime the expectations of the relationship we are in is broken. People who go against the respected expectations usually find it a lot simpler to just act as if nothing ever happened. “As long as the person doesn’t know”, is that they usually think. The thing about guilt is that it eventually eats you alive, slowly. Either this can turn a person into telling you what they have done or it can turn into a bigger lie than in the first place.
Self-esteem plays a huge role in how people do the things they do in a relationship. If you feel great about yourself, you’re more likely to give the love you want to give to the other person with little to no problem. If you don’t feel great about yourself then things can turn down a dark hole.
For those who want to feel great about themselves in the relationship but don’t, they are most likely to look for outside validation from others. For example, they could feel that beauty is their top priority to attract the people around them that they encounter. It’s about validation, and to get this we do different things to achieve such goals. They may want to lose weight, get a new hairstyle, maybe buy some new fashion-forward clothing to attract the outside world.
They aren’t doing it for themselves, they are doing it to be noticed and admired by others. The love that they have for themselves is non-existent and no matter how much you try to do give it to them, they will never be able to fully accept it without the feeling of wanting more.
4. Avoiding “the talk”
One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to have “the talk”. No one likes to do it because it means there will most likely be a lot of emotion connected to it. For many of us, it’s hard to sit and talk with someone about the problems that occur in a relationship. People don’t want to always talk about the topics that are swept underneath the rug and may feel that it’s best to just avoid the conversation as a whole.
5. Who they are is not good enough
This has to deal with the topic of self-esteem as said previously. There is a major problem going on inside with someone who feels they need to lie in a relationship. It could be rooted in their childhood memories such as lying to a parent about what they were doing after school because it would excuse them from the major argument that would come afterward.
There are a lot of us who don’t feel worthy of love. We could feel that we aren’t good enough and without us realizing it we might actually sabotage our relationship. The minute they lose the feeling of unconditional love from their partner, there’s a feeling that comes making them feel they aren’t good enough leading some to lie about situations to gain the love they lost or feel they lost. When in reality that may not be true, but this means that it isn’t your fault in any way. They need to work on them rather than be in a relationship.
6. Put up the shield
Another reason why people lie in relationships is that they want to protect themselves. It’s not so much about the lie that they are trying to brew up to hurt you particularly. Sometimes it’s just about their dignity of who they are.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel that you are “losing yourself”? Well, when you lose a sense of who you are it can cause a person to be defensive towards the other. This leads them to put up a shield of defense so they won’t get hurt. If someone feels like they can’t be themselves in a relationship, they will look to other sources to fill that void even if they have to lie about it.
Unfortunately, manipulation happens all the time in relationships. When people feel out of control, or don’t feel valued, or respected it can cause a very ugly feeling to emerge. When manipulation happens it becomes all about the person who is feeling this way. They want to control your actions.
If this person lies to you or blames something on you, it’s for a reaction. They want you to feel the way they feel and by using manipulation in a relationship, it gives them the control that they felt they lost before. It is extremely unhealthy, and you should leave any situation that feels as such.
We have all have felt bored at one point or another. What doesn’t make sense is when people lie or do things that can hurt the person they are in a relationship with just because they are bored. If a person feels as if the relationship is going nowhere, or they are “bored” it’s important that you leave.
People will go do things that will mess up their relationship just because the drama or excitement isn’t there anymore. That is not a good way to handle any relationship. Wanting to do new things with the person you are dating is what makes it fun! If you aren’t enjoying those times with them, then why stay in a relationship. Do both of you a favor and leave.