15 Signs You Have Been Single Far Too Long

Despite what some may think, the single life is fabulous! You don’t have to answer to anyone, can always do your own thing, and never have to put someone else’s happiness ahead of your own. But there comes a point where you start to realise you’ve been on your own long enough to drop the “single” from #singlelife. Here are 15 signs that just maybe, you’ve been single a little too long.

1. The notion of ever having to share a bed with another human is enough to make you want to roll over and go right back to sleep.

You share your bed with your phone, your laptop, and maybe a pet. That’s it. After all, the best part of being single is sleeping around – sleeping all around that bed of yours.

2. People have given up on asking if you’re seeing anyone.

Your relationship status is a given as opposed to an (annoying) talking point. And on that note:

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3. People have stopped trying to set you up.

For a while, your loved-up friends would try to set you up with literally anyone to fill their double date quota (“You like Ed Sheeran? My friend carries the recessive redhead gene, you’re literally made for each other!”). Now, either your pals have learned to respect your perfectly valid lifestyle choice, or you’ve ditched them in favour for a more supportive squad.

4. Engagement / wedding / “we’re expecting!” announcements no longer worry you.

There was a time when the sight of yet another Facebook post featuring a high school friend with a splashy ring on her finger would threaten to trigger a panic attack, or a grainy ultrasound of a bean shaped human would have you counting the seconds on your biological clock. But you’ve since realised it’s totally okay to not follow the same path as everyone else, and that it’s possible to be happy for your friends while being equally happy on your own journey.

5. But Valentine’s Day is still a sore spot.

Why is everything two for one? Why can’t single people enjoy half priced food too? The discrimination has to end!

6. Your idea of Netflix and chill is you on the couch with a tub of ice cream.

I don’t want anything distracting me from Riverdale, thank you very much.

7. And the idea of compromising your plans for someone else makes you actually want to die alone.

I’ll never understand people who “can’t” do something because their partner isn’t interested. No-one is going to stop me from seeing Mamma Mia the Musical. NO-ONE.

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8. You’ve sort of forgotten that underwear comes in matching sets.

If it can’t be bought at Kmart though, do you really need it?

9. And what even is a razor?

50% not shaving to fight back against an outdated patriarchal norm, 50% not shaving because no-one is going to see my legs anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. Your ex might start looking appealing again.

Even if you’re perfectly happy on your own, it’s totally normal to sometimes crave some company and you might catch yourself thinking fondly of the past. But then you remember why you broke up, and the idea of spending a lazy Sunday cuddled up in a pillow fort with a narcissistic fuckboy is suddenly far less alluring. 

11. And if you’ve dared to brave the dating apps, you have enough horror stories to fill a Stephen King novel.

“Hey cutie, u up?” – coming this spring.

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12. You’ve mastered the art of applying sunscreen to your own back.

And zipping up your own dresses, and fixing the back of your hair, and …

13. Eating out alone no longer phases you.

You know the value of a date with a good book and an amazing pasta dish.

Also, why do people say they can’t go somewhere if they don’t have someone to go with? Some of you have never been to the movies or a stadium concert on your own and it shows.

14. People start to worry that you’re stuck in a rut.

And continually finding witty answers to questions like “why are you still single?” or “when are you going to have kids” has become draining.

15. But honestly, you’re owning the single life and aren’t willing to sacrifice your independence for anyone less than extraordinary.

Do you sometimes fear you’ve been single far too long? Let us know what observations you’ve made about the (perpetually) single life in the comments below.

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