Categories: Personal

All The Tricks I Have Mastered Because Of My Double D Boobs

I have very large breast. I say they are double d, but I actually don’t know my correct size because every bra place I go to tells me something different. Other than my bra size, I know they are huge though for mainly two reasons. One, they are attached to my chest and I have the back pain as evidence. Two being that people are constantly telling me that my boobs are big. It is really unbelievable how many people I will meet and they will say “Wow you know you really do have big boobs.” I get that they are just making an observation, but it is really hard not to come back with a sarcastic response when they say stuff like that. Most the time I gasp and deny it or I’ll say “thank you, I grew them myself” cause honestly what else are you going to say when someone points out to you that you have big boobs?

Most girls will tell me that they want big boobs like mine, but I always tell them that they don’t. For one there is the back pain like I already mentioned, but then I have to deal with all my tops that stretch after one damn wear, there is the constant search for a bra that will fit comfortably, and of course there is the problems that come with the guys. My god the guys! They all love the girl with the oversized boobs in all their porn videos, but when it comes down to facing them in reality they have absolutely no idea what to do with them. I could go on for ages with horror stories of what men thought would be a good idea to do to them, but I am not going to. This is article is not about my booby trauma though. It is about all the lovely tricks I have learned along the way because of my massive masterpieces.

Applying Lipstick

Ever see the movie The Breakfast Club? Well remember that in scene where Molly Ringwald can put her lipstick on by using her boobs? Yeah I can do that. I think I can even do that better than Ringwald did because I can really hoist up my tatas and move the lipstick to the shape of my lips. Is it useful in anyway? No. Is it a good party trick? Of course.

Pouring Drinks

During my college days there was a lot of drinking going around. Once when we were going about a party I had more items to carry than I had hands. SO, I drunkenly discovered I could hold my bottle of Smirnoff (don’t judge) in between my breasts. From there we made the discovery that I could pour drinks while bottles were wedged between my boobs. Not only that, but people could take shots and drink their bottles while they remained in my boobs. Did I have to completely bend over so my ass was in the air? Obviously, but it was super fun to do.

Using It As A Purse

While I am all for a good purse to go with the outfit, but sometimes you only need a couple of items and don’t want to carry around a giant bag all night. So what can be better than ditching the purse and just sticking what you need in your shirt? I can fit my phone, ID, cash, and anything else I might need for the night. It is much more convenient and I don’t have to worry about leaving something somewhere cause I do that literally all the time.

Hiding Booze

I am a very cheap person. I do not like to spend money unless I absolutely have to. More than anything I don’t want to have to spend ten to fifteen dollars on a drink at the bar. If I know I am going to go out at a place where they have over priced drinks I will go to the liquor store and get a few mini bottles I can sip down when I am at the bar. I currently hold the record of getting ten to fit without my breast starting to look lumpy. It gets a little uncomfortable depending on what I’m doing, but I know my wallet is greatful at the end of the night.