All you do is cry yourself to sleep, hoping that it was all just one bad dream. You wake up early in the morning, your pillow stained with last night’s tears, realising it was very much real. That devastating breakup really did happen no matter how much you wished for it not to be so.
How could the person who promised you he would stay and be there when you were at your lowest, decide not to be with you anymore? Or maybe you had been working on some issues together, and finally came to the conclusion it just wouldn’t work out. Regardless, you just went through a terrible breakup, and all you want is to start loving yourself again. But, how do you do that?
Let’s be truthful for a second. You’re not going to find the path to recovery or start loving yourself without allowing yourself to feel and process the emotions first. During this time, you may go through countless tissue boxes. You may be calling your best friend to vent more frequently.
Learn to release your emotions by writing and journaling. If you don’t fancy writing so much, record voice notes to yourself about the way you’re feeling. These exercises will help you to visualise your emotions and understand them.
Sometimes we just don’t want to admit to ourselves that it’s really over. Or other times, we agree to be friends with our exes because we believe this is the best form of “closure.” But for some time, at least a month, it is important to resist contacting your ex.
Keeping them around, inviting them back in, only delays your healing process and will not help you to move on if you want to love yourself. If you wish to be friends someday again the time will come for that, but for some time, distance is essential.
If you were in a very stable relationship, activities that made you happy probably included them. If this is the case, travel back to the time before you and this person were together. What little things made you happy? Was it having brunch with your friends? Reading? Writing? Running around the block? Art? Travel? Other sports? Or is there some activity you’ve always want to try and never got around to? Now is a great time to try something new!
It’s very likely that if you were in a stable relationship, you perhaps neglected some of your friends and family by not spending as much time with them. Revisit these friendships and catch up with them, including your family. You’ll find comfort in speaking to people not just about your breakup, but in spending time with other people who will always love and support you.
Loving yourself does not happen overnight. It happens over a period of time when you really try to get to know yourself. You surround yourself with people who love you, you begin to understand your talents, your shortcomings, your hobbies, the little things that put a smile on your face. When you accept both your strengths and weaknesses, loving yourself comes naturally.
Above all, a breakup does not define your worth. Stop blaming yourself for what you thought you did wrong, for what you think you should or shouldn’t have said. Start doing little things that make you happy, release the hurt, and believe that love will find you again because you love yourself just as much.
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