To my ex,
First off, where do I start? I’ll try my best not to focus on the bad here, because let’s be honest, it outweighed the good. We met on a cold November day when we were eighteen. We both knew right away that we would be in each others lives in some capacity, naively thinking our first love would last forever.
I knew from the start we weren’t good for each other. We spoke and laughed, and before we could even process what was going on, we were in a relationship. In hindsight it was ridiculous how fast things between us moved. I could blame my age, lack of experience, or maybe just plain infatuation. I was so wrapped up in a romantic whirlwind, I didn’t stop to think logically. When something seems too good to be true, annoyingly, it usually is.
It felt like a game that neither of us were winning. Pride constantly got in the way, and I found myself doubting if I could trust you. Every time we met it felt as though we were on the verge of breaking up. Looking back we only lasted 6 months, but it felt like years as we refused to fully let go of each other for some time afterwards.
As I tried to further my education, I found myself in lectures wondering if we would ever make things work. My mind obsessed over small details, and I displayed all the signs of being in a toxic relationship. Everything was always my fault, and your refusal to admit any wrongdoings was extremely unhealthy for both of us.
Throughout life I have realised in order to truly understand something, I have to go through it myself. Learning everything the hard way has not been easy, but a necessity. Learning from my mistakes, I can identify the traits of the someone that ultimately, does not have my best interests at heart. I have learnt that some things are meant to stay broken, and closure doesn’t exist.
I wish you the best in everything, and I hope our relationship helped you grow.
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