Long distance relationships can be hard, especially when you’re going through a life change like university. Going from being in a relationship whee you see each other every day to not being able to see each other at all is a hard transition to make, but it can be done. Here’s how to deal with a long distance relationship when your partner goes to a different uni.
One thing that can be difficult when your main method of communication is texting/IMing is knowing exactly what the other person means. What can also be difficult is saying exactly what you want to say – you may type out exactly what you want to say to your SO, only to delete it for whatever reason. Try to avoid doing this – if you’re upset or frustrated, let them know so they can help you work through it. If you don’t, this will only cause these feelings to get bottled up inside you ad you’ll eventually take them out on your partner, which isn’t fair on them and can damage your relationship.
Whilst you may not be able to meet in person, modern technology does mean that you can speak to other face-to-face, even though this might be through a screen. Take time out of your day to FaceTime/Skype each other, and have that be like a date for you. This will help the pair of you feel special to one another, as it will remind you both that the other person wants to make time for you.
Now obviously this doesn’t mean tell them every little thing that happened in your day, but you should still let them know about the important things – how your classes are going, what’s happening with your friendships. You should also be honest about any qualms or difficulties you’re having in your relationship, so you can work through these things together.
It can be very easy, and very tempting, to just be passive-aggressive to your partner through text, or say things you wouldn’t necessarily say to them in person. This can cause problems as the pair of you escalate and argument as you are saved from seeing what your words are doing to the other person. If you have anything serious to discuss, discuss it over the phone or Skype/FaceTime so you’re saved from saying things you might not necessarily mean, and it gives you time to calm down a bit before you talk about it.
Little things always help. Showing the other person how much you love them can be doing anything, really – sending them a cute wake up text, mailing them a little gift or a handwritten letter, even surprising them with a visit (you will have to check with their housemates if this will be okay). Things like this will remind the pair of you how strong and happy your relationship is, and will make times when things are hard a lot easier as you’ll be able to look back on all the lovely things you’ve done for each other.
If you are very far away from each other, it can be difficult to see each other in person, but you should plan to see each other as often as you can, even if this is only once a term. You should also try to go to each other as much as the other person comes to you, so the journey is shared, and one person isn’t constantly spending money to see the other person as after a while this can seem unfair.
It can be hard to be in a long distance relationship, especially when it feels like the other person is going out with their friends constantly and ‘ignoring you’, even when they don’t feel like they are (and might not even realise you feel this way). Accept that they are at uni, that they will make friends and be going out with them. It’s unfair for you to try to stop them having fun, so if you feel left out,get involved with societies or go out with your own friends. If you go out when they go out, then you can tell each other about it the next day and bond over your crazy nights rather than being jealous.
Yes, it can be hard to see a cute picture of your significant other with someone else, especially if that someone else is very attractive. However, this does not mean that they don’t love you, it doesn’t mean that they’re cheating on you and it doesn’t mean that they’re going to leave you. If you’re going to be in a long distance relationship, you cannot get jealous because your partner has friends, and if you do ask them about their friends and they say you have nothing to worry about, then you have to trust them. Yes, there is more trust involved in a long distance relationship as you don’t see each other that often, but you have to believe that your partner is with you because they want to be with you. They chose you over everyone else, and they’re going to keep choosing you no matter what.
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