Would You Rather, the game of difficult hypothetical choices that sometimes got out of hand as soon as that one kid (usually me) started turning all of the choices into things you were better off saying far away from your parents. Well, this game of would you rather won’t make your grandmother gasp, per say, but you might just not want to share any of my articles with your grandma because, well, why would you ever do that in the first place? Here is a special edition of Would You Rathers for University of Pittsburgh:
1. Would you rather hear the “Fifth walk sign on to cross Fifth” recording on repeat every time you have sex OR get a call from the university emergency warning system every 20 minutes of your day?
2. Would you rather work on dish duty in Market for a whole semester or hardcore make out with Pitt’s oldest professor in front of everyone in the common room of Cathy?
3. Would you rather run three miles as fast as you can in a full Pitt Panther costume on a full stomach of O fries OR on three huge tacos from Taco Tuesday at Market?
4. Your south O house has come victim to a overbearing pest problem (Probably a very likely happening), Would you rather it be 200 miniature versions of those people in lobby who always try to hand you flyers or make you buy shit OR 200 miniature versions of the could you spare a dollar lady?
5. Would you rather have a teacher walk in on you and whoever trying to join the Cathedral Club OR your parents make a surprise visit and walk in on you and whoever in bed?
6. Would you rather have to sit and listen three times to that entire sexual assault seminar they give to new students or have to take an alcohol EDU test twice a month for a semester?
7. Would you rather watch Pitt’s basketball team lose every game for 5 seasons straight OR watch Pitt’s Football team lose to Penn state next fall?
8. You and some friends are about to skinny dip in the Frick Fine Arts fountain, Would you rather a stranger take a picture of your bare ass and send it around to the entire school OR get arrested and spend a night in jail for public indecency/public intoxication?
9. You’re at a party in South O and whoever has control of the music only has two songs that he downloaded on iTunes like 8 years ago before spotify existed. Would you rather only listen to Chumbawumba’s song Tubthumbing all night OR Soulja Boy’s Crank that (Soulja Boy)?
10. If there was an unexpected apocalypse and only you and two other people survived, would you rather repopulate the world with the Roc the Panther (the sex must be had while the Panther suit is on) OR Chancellor Gallagher?
Hope you enjoyed this Pitt edition of Would You Rather! All I’ve learned from this experience is that I’m attracted to a mascot soooooo…..have a nice day!