Why Beer Should Be A Booze-Hound’s Only Option


A booze-hound’s appetite can only be safely maintained with beer. As a recent college graduate with a real corporate job, I’m excited to offer a bit of insight for booze-hounds that will enter the real world within the next two years. Good news is, old people love to party too. Bad news, dancing on tables is generally not allowed (especially if you’re a guy), and passing out in a booth where there would usually be a couch is not welcomed either.

I’d like to help you, self-proclaimed booze hound, avoid an irresponsible drinking habit in the real world. And it starts with limiting your intake of hard alcohol while you’re drinking. As much as I hate wagging my finger like a mother at kids who aren’t even hers, I’m saying that the world outside of college is not very forgiving to drunken idiots. Booze-hounds have to stick together and keep each other safe. If you know you’re going to be drinking until the cows come home, stick with beer for a few key reasons.

Why Beer Should Be A Booze-Hounds Only Option

1. Hard Alcohol Is NOT A Controlled Drunk

When you drink a cocktail, you will drink less fluid and still consume the same amount of alcohol a beer has. The danger for you is that you’re a booze-hound. No matter how wretched or tasty the drink, you will never NOT have a drink in your hand. When you finish that Screwdriver, you’re gonna send two more before your friends finish their second beers. You’re consuming more alcohol than they are, and your stomach is less full than theirs, which tells you not to slow down. That is until 5-Time Pro Bowler and First Team All-Pro, Defensive Tackle, Ndamukung Suh comes out of nowhere and buries you into the center of the Earth… That was hard alcohol covering your eyes with its thick, dark enduring sugar. Beer is different.

Why Beer Should Be A Booze-Hounds Only Option

2. Beer Paces You

However fast you drink beer, it will help monitor the speed at which you’re tipping them back. Beer has more fluid in it. It takes longer to sip a beer than it does a cocktail. Thus, as the alcohol is entering your bloodstream, you will feel the light-headedness and carefree mojo come upon you. In the case of hard alcohol, there is no gradual feeling, it is just a tackle.

Why Beer Should Be A Booze-Hounds Only Option

3. You Can Physically Drink More

With a beer in your hand, you can always have a drink to sip from. And that’s part of the fun of the party. You feel left out when you don’t have a red solo cup or beer can in your hand (See my How To Party Sober And Still Have Fun).

4. Have You Found ‘The One’?

Whether you’re into guys or girls, responsible drinking habits are a huge factor adults take into consideration when they’re looking to date.

5. Don’t Get Thrown Out

I was at a bar when a guy trying to purge in the bathroom was dragged down a flight of stairs, suffered a concussion and was thrown on the sidewalk. One of my friends thinks it’s still funny to mouth-off to bouncers when he’s folded. This stuff never ends well. Our goal is to have a killer night, not get killed.

Why Beer Should Be A Booze-Hounds Only Option

5. You’re Not In Kansas Anymore

After school, you’ll either go back home, move to a new city or stay in your college town. This means not all of your drinking buddies will be with you. Getting wild drunk is fun when you’re surrounded by people that care about you, but if you’re with work friends, they may not see that you fall asleep on your side by the end of the night.

In my opinion, drinking with friends is fun. However, it can become dangerous if a booze-hound mixes-in hard alcohol. We can keep our crazy night stories just as crazy, but stick to beer. Share this with a fellow booze-hound!

What do you think? Let me know in the comments if my finger-wagging is warranted.

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