Dating is hard, there is no denying that. Most of the time it consists of swiping left or right on profiles that we look at for less than thirty seconds, going on bad dates and ghosting people, wondering why we can’t get a relationship to work. Dating when your plus size can be even harder.
As I navigated my way through the dating world, and the online dating world, I learned a lot about myself as a plus size woman. I learned that a lot of it has to do with society and how they have conditioned us to believe that plus size women, and men, aren’t worthy of love. This has transferred over into many different aspects of dating. Dating while plus size is harder, I’m not going to sugar coat it, but it is not impossible.
Here are some of the things they don’t tell you about plus size dating that I wish I knew sooner:
You don’t have to apologize for your size
Unless, it is a blind date, the person knows what you look like, and even then you don’t need to be sorry for anything. Either they like what they see or they don’t do, and if they don’t well then thank you, next. I struggled a lot with this when it came to online dating. The whole “I’m fatter in person” mentality got a hold of me and made me feel like I needed to try to look as slim as possible in person and give them some sort of warning.
You will sometimes be a fetish
But just because you are someone’s fetish doesn’t mean you need to tolerate that, if that is not what you’re into. I hung out with a guy who was attractive and muscular and it took me a bit to realize he only liked me because he got off on literally picking me off of the ground. The first time I was confused, the second time I was pissed off. I am not something you can bench press.
Some people will want to sleep with you but not date you
There is a disgusting stigma in society that men, especially men deemed attractive, should not date plus size women. But here is the thing that many aren’t willing to admit: They find us really attractive. They like the extra curves and soft bodies but many are too worried about what their buddies are going to say. If they don’t want to be seen with you in public, you don’t need to hang out with them in private. You deserve someone who is not embarrassed of you and will want to flaunt you wherever you go.
You Have To Be Comfortable With Yourself First
It’s an old saying and it is extremely cliché: if you don’t love yourself how can you expect someone else too. We get it but genuine self-love takes a long time. You don’t need to wait until you love yourself one hundred percent to date but you do need to be honest with yourself and know what you deserve.
Know that you need to be honest about what you look like: don’t post pictures of yourself from your skinnier days. Learn to accept your body because if you are insecure it is going to show. Know how much you are worth in that moment with all your flaws and everything that makes you special. And know that you deserve someone who appreciates you are you are.