Whether the relationship lasted three weeks or three years, break ups can leave us feeling heartbroken, lost and even physically ill. While there’s no magic formula to do away with the pain of a split, having healthy coping mechanisms in place is essential to getting over your ex and moving on with strength and grace.
Even if the relationship wasn’t great, you’re still starting at ground zero. The first thing you need to anticipate, no matter where you are in the process, is that there is some grieving involved. There is a sense of abandonment, there is a sense of terror about the future, there is some disappointment… There is a process of going from we back to just me.
Treating yourself well during the post-breakup period — whether you initiated the split or were on the receiving end — is a must. While it’s true that time heals all emotional wounds, you can speed up the process of moving on by taking control of your health and well-being.
Facebook stalkers, rabid Instagram followers, Snapchat checkers, and all general social media addicts! Immediately following a breakup, unfollow that person. Be thrilled to be able to show off your new life and happiness. A single update from the ex would leave you devastated and confused and missing everything about them.
The day they started posting pictures of themselves with other people, you’ll spend the day feeling ill, angry, and betrayed. So rather than give up social media accounts and the small comfort they bring, BLOCK THEM ON EVERYTHING. Block their snaps and their Instagram feed. Block them on Facebook. Delete their email address from your address book. Remove their number from saved “favorites.”
Blocking after a break up is a very wise move. Not only does it stop you from seeing any potentially heart-wrenching posts, but it also keeps you from posting unnecessary fluff, to make life look exciting and rewarding on the off chance your ex decided to look at your profiles. Life is exciting and rewarding, and not feeling the need to prove it helps to actually participate in and enjoy it.
Kale and spinach taste horrible. I completely understand if you don’t want to do this one and simply skip right over. I usually go on the other end and eat cherry flavored ice cream until I feel sick. But this is what’s the best way to get over a break up, not what I would do during a break up.
If you choose to use food as a means to cope with a break up, do so with a friend. Eating fruits and veggies by yourself and trying to stay happy is just a bummer all around. Additionally, it is really tempting to grab excessive amounts of sweets and junk to treat yourself. You will feel sick and crampy, just believe me, and you don’t want to make things harder on your body when it is already coping with a massive emotional blow.
As for the workout component of this, there will be days when you think about the gym and you just don’t feel the motivation to do anything. On those days, you might feel worthless or lazy or like nobody will find you attractive ever again. Forgive yourself, give yourself a rest, and treat your body in other ways. Take a bath with some essential oils. Spend the night giving yourself a pedicure, complete with freshly lotioned legs. Take a long walk through the park and practice mindful breathing. You do not have to sweat every day. You only need to be kind to yourself.
Usually, friends fall to the wayside as you bask in the bliss of romance. It’s saddening to think about it, but it’s true.
After the breakup, you should be able to reconnect with your lost friends. Make the people currently in your life your priority. Spend hours on the phone, catching up with the people you’ve lost touch with. Nothing feels like home quite like being barefoot on your best friend’s couch with a glass sparkling grape juice and a handy box of tissues.
There are pieces of the past that are unburdened, or possibly even strengthened, by the breakup. Remind yourself that you’re still (and always had been) lovable. Celebrate your independence. Have the friend help you talk through getting your things back from your ex. It’s going to be okay.
For the first few weeks following the breakup, accept every social invitation that comes your way. This was the best decision I could have possibly made when I broke up with my ex. I bought myself new bathing suits and went to the beach. I went to Disney vacation with my family and spoiled myself rotten. It was great.
After the breakup, I reveled and rebelled. I went out with friends and embraced my individuality, distancing myself from my previous relationship and reasserting my identity. Then I came home and I slept starfish on my bed and gave myself permission to take up all the space.
During the beginning of the breakup, accepting these invitations probably won’t feel genuine. You may feel guilty for going out, or you may go out only to obsessively check your phone for the night, convinced your ex will text you. You might feel dirty dancing with new people. You might feel ashamed for having fun, while the sad parts of you try to suck you back into the dark hole of Netflix and order-in pizza. Go out anyway. That old adage — fake it ’til you make it — rings true.
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