Just to clear the air, you get hazed… like hard. Unbearable, relentless, and gruesome would be the first three words to pop in my head. This is probably what you expected this article to be about; however, Iowa State Greek Community is the polar opposite. This is probably what you didn’t expect this article to be about.
Most of you know how SOCIETY19 works. You apply, get the job, and tada, you can now pick and write on a topic. “What Exactly Happens When You Rush A Fraternity At *your university*?” is one of those pre-picked topics.
Initially, I was excited. I’ve gone through the process and factoid, I happen to be the Recruitment chair for my fraternity. So, preppy clothes inevitably run through my veins. What I’m trying to say is, I can spit some knowledge on this topic.
But then I questioned why this would be a suggested topic that I can pick from? What did they expect? It bugged me because I know that answer; people assume fraternity rush is just straight hell. You know how it goes; Mitch from Sigma Apple Pie is staring down your little preemie Frat Star soul and saying you can’t join unless you chug the concoction of Pepto-Bismol, laxatives, and, fireball.
It’s frustrating because there is an obvious set mental state when it comes to fraternities. In actuality, the rush process is simple. A freshman comes for orientation, meets with me (cough, cough, Frat Star Stanton) for a house tour, we both get a free meal, and if he’s not wearing cargos, he gets a bid (jk about cargos, but like seriously, your loose coins can go elsewhere). Obviously this would make for a boring story. The truth is a snooze; people expect rushing to be this hellhole of a time. So, I’ve decided to give the people what they want. Prepare yourself for Rushing at Iowa State (Frat Star Edition).
Said pledge, I guess we’ll call him Joe (only makes sense), starts on his first day. Besides his obvious lack of judgment to show up to the houses wearing not a single article of Vineyard Vines, young Joseph is excited to start his adventure at Iowa State. His enthusiasm, although admirable, will soon be completely erased and squashed into a million pieces just like a broken Jack bottle on Frat steps.
As he steps foot into the fraternity, the first day is merely a facade. He tours every fraternity as they talk about their “philanthropy” and “helpfulness in the community”, just some bs really. He spies stolen sorority composites on every wall of the house as he compares himself to every other freshman that he happens to be touring with. Joe is a very middle of the road individual; if he was a color he’d be beige, if he was a car he’d be a Camry (used), and he is just capable of getting you from Point A to Point B. Weird thing is, no fraternity shows Joe their basement… odd, right?
Second day, and shit just got real. Joe only got invited back to eight chapters, this is purely because the Vineyard Vines problem from yesterday; thank God he wasn’t wearing cargos. Now that he has seen the houses he gets a chance to hang out with the boys. Fitting that it is a Saturday (leave if you don’t get that reference). Joe and the boys do a tad bit more than crack open some cold ones. He was given tequila, gin, Hawkeye, unflavored vodka, and if Joe didn’t finish each bottle he was paddled and threatened with boiling water poured over his chest hair. Joe ain’t no b*tch so this test is a breeze or so he thinks.
He blacks out as he reaches Upsilon Gangnam Psi, but fortunately for our young buck he runs into a cute sorority girl who helps him back to his dorm. He will try to capitalize on this opportunity later at his first banger, this was a grievous mistake. A huge swing and miss.
Down to the slim pickens. Joe has it narrowed down to two chapters. Both equally frat, their chill to pull ratio is above average and they’ve both sworn he gets laid in the next week. Everything is beyond promising for our stallion. He will meet with each chapter one last time. Safe to say, this is hell day.
Joe has been paddled, shot with paintballs in the nude, has had his leg hair burned off, and to top it off has been, once again, nakedly escorted through a sorority house. He came into Mu Nu Pikachu’s house with liquid confidence, but this slowly faded. With each step his testosterone took a critical hit until plummeting as he exited. The high-pitched laughs are sure to make a mark on his college career. But of course it’s all worth it, because this is what joining a fraternity is all about, right? He expected this to happen when he decided to rush because Animal House is a reality.
Our maverick has one last task to complete. If, and ONLY if, he can run around central campus and through the Memorial Union, you guessed it- nude, in under eight minutes, then he will receive an official bid. This is purely so the fraternities can see his athletic ability. With the daunting task ahead, Joe surprisingly passes because he has no more self-esteem to lose, passing with a minute to spare.
Joe has finally been accepted into Beta Eta Pi. Tired, wounded, and beaten Joe is expected to show up that night to the first party. Suddenly filled with joy he puts on his best Sperry’s and borrowed Vineyard Vines shirt and heads out on Knapp Street. Little does he know, he’s a bouncer (jk he’s merely a door dude). For 5 hours. The perks of the job include, a badge that reads “pledge b*tch”, a free Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and another paddling. Thank you sir may I have another. This marks the end of his rush period, moving on to the initiation process.
It’s sad to say this is the perception that the typical person has regarding fraternities; blog websites included. Not to say that fraternities don’t do activities to stress brotherhood, but it’s never at this type of extreme. Rushing a fraternity, especially at Iowa State, is not something to be afraid of.
Greek Life offers so many opportunities and you’re able to meet so many wonderful people. Coming from Colorado, I knew no one coming in, and most of the people I’ve met in the first week I still talk to regularly. There’s so much to get involved with and it helps with the community through philanthropies and service events. There’s homecoming, Greek Week, and, basically when you run into someone there’s a good chance you have something in common to talk about. Iowa State’s Greek Community has won awards for it’s excellence, non-hazing, and participation in the city of Ames. Greek life truly brings out the best in people and I am proud to say I’m involved with something bigger than myself.
Are you thinking about rushing a fraternity at Iowa State University!? Share in the comments below!
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