Breaking up with someone is never fun and no one wants to do it, but it’s something that has to be done sometimes. While picking a breakup method also adds some stress, the best route to go is to always just say what and how you feel. The other person on the receiving end might not like it, but they’ll appreciate your honesty and you’ll feel good about how you handled everything. Unfortunately, we can’t end relationships without someone getting hurt but we can try to make it as painless as possible. It’s heartbreak sometimes so it’s normal for it to hurt. But, the breakup is for the best for both of you so it needs to be done. Here are some ways to tell your partner it’s not working without causing too big of a fuss. A list of eight breakup methods that can make the breakup a little less painful.
1. Tell the truth.
No matter how harsh or sad the truth is, it needs to be said. This is the breakup method people are afraid to use the most but it’s the one that should always be used. Tell them why you feel like you need to break up but also tell them how breaking up with them is making you feel. Are you sad about the breakup? Does it make you feel terrible and awkward? Mention that it’s hard because you don’t know what to say to not hurt his feelings. When you are truthful about why you’re breaking up and how you don’t know what the right way to do it is, that shows that you are being open and honest and they should appreciate that. Describing how you feel and why you need to end the relationship is a great breakup method for not necessarily trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.
2. Let them respond how they respond.
No matter how nicely, calmly, or truthfully you tell someone it’s over someone is going to get hurt. Allowing them to be hurt is a part of a breakup method that will hopefully end on somewhat okay terms. Throwing in a positive about the person can get them to consider that you are coming at them with this breakup through a sense of love and will hopefully keep them from blowing up or getting angry and walking away. Focusing on the positives of your relationship is a good breakup method and a way that will let them see that there were positives and it was just time to say goodbye. Just remember they are allowed to be hurt and even though you are doing the breaking up, so are you.
3. Choose the least bad time and place.
Let’s face it; there is no right time or place to tell someone your relationship is over but you can try to pick the least of the worst. Choosing a time and place that is private so no one gets embarrassed is a great breakup method. Never ever end a relationship when you’re at a family event, on New Year’s Eve or Christmas, when they are going through a rough time, or in front of a big crowd. Granted, you don’t want to drag out the breakup because you are waiting for the right time (there isn’t one, remember?) but just make sure it isn’t during a time where someone will suffer even more because of when and where you ended the relationship.
4. Don’t be swayed by their response.
You have to be firm with your breakup method or it won’t be worth it. You can still be nice while holding your ground and not allowing your partner to sway your decisions. Yes, their emotional response is going to have an effect on your emotions but you can’t let that deter you away from the fact that you know the relationship is over. Avoiding mixed messages is the best route to go with your breakup method and if you go back on your word it’s going to confuse you and end in more hurt when you finally do end things for real. If you know it’s time to end the relationship you need to tell your partner and stick with the breakup.
5. Avoid blaming them.
It seems like this would be a given but sometimes we forget placing blame isn’t ideal (especially if the relationship is ending specifically because of something your partner did or didn’t do). You want to talk like the relationship is something that you are both outside of. Use phrases like “It’s not working” over “you have stopped trying” as part of your breakup method. This keeps your language non-emotional and doesn’t make your partner think that they are entirely to blame for the breakup. Express regret that things didn’t work out but without using the word “you.” If you don’t work as a unit anymore let them know that without placing blame on anyone or any one thing that either of you did or didn’t do.
6. Avoid clichés.
No one wants to hear, “It’s not you, it’s me!” so leave it out of your breakup method. And especially leave “We can still be friends” out of the conversation. Oftentimes those phrases don’t reflect the truth and honesty is the best way to go when you’re ending a relationship. Sticking to the facts and relaying why things aren’t working out rather than telling them what you think they want to hear is way better than instilling false hope or clichés you hope will diffuse the tension. Clichés are cheesy. Save them for the flirting and ice-breaking and not the breakup method.
7. Prepare to listen.
You may be the one to lead the conversation but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t listen when your partner reacts to the news. Part of your breakup method should be listening to what they have to say and listening carefully. Just like they might not like what you’ve said, there’s a good chance you might not like what you hear from them also. Both of you just want to be heard at this moment so while they listen to you, you need to also listen to what they have to say. Be prepared to address the things that bring up in a way that isn’t going to derail everything you put forth during the conversation. It’s a breakup after all. Feelings will be hurt and things will be said that aren’t ideal, but hopefully, your breakup method allows you to get past all of that and end on amicable terms.
8. Give yourself time to grieve.
You might have been the one to end the relationship but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t sad about it. You were a part of the relationship too and there were probably some really great moments and things that you will miss about your partner and the relationship overall. Allowing yourself to feel sad, pain, and heartbreak is a healthy part of your breakup method. This is what makes breaking up difficult, you care for the person but you know that things aren’t working anymore so you have to let it go. Realize you’ll also need to readjust to your new situation and that it’s okay. Crying and feeling sad is okay even if you are the dumper.