There really is no rule of thumb to follow as far as how long you need to be ‘going steady’, ‘dating’ or ‘seeing’ someone before you are ready for sex. So how do you know if you are ready for sex? No one can really answer that question except for you, but whether you are a first-timer or a sex connoisseur here are a few things you may want to consider before having sex with your current partner.
1. The Right Partner
How do you know if your partner is right for you? Choose wisely. It should be someone you trust. Someone that makes you feel safe physically, as well as, emotionally. Ask yourself if you are comfortable enough with this partner that if you decide to change your mind that you truly are not ready at this time will they accept your decision or try to make you feel guilty for doing so.
The right partner should have good hygiene practices and take care of their parts. Look for things in a partner that you can connect with. If you are a non-smoker you may be more likely to want a non-smoker for a partner. You may want to share some of your beliefs and values with your partner and see if the feelings are mutual. If you have these things with your partner, sex can be pleasurable, if not, it may be more trouble than it’s worth.
2. Have Sex Because You Want To
You should never ever feel pressured into having sex for the first time, or anytime for that matter. You should not be having sex for anyone but yourself. Listen to your instincts. If it does not feel right, then do not do it. There are other things you and your partner can do in a relationship besides having sex. It does not matter if your friends are doing it. They are not you. If they are a true friend then they will understand your values and not pressure you into doing something that you do not feel comfortable doing.
Also, listen to what your partner is saying to you. If they are saying things like ‘if you love me you would have sex with me’, or ‘everyone else is doing it’, then you may want to reconsider being with this person at all unless you are ready and things said like that don’t bother you. Hopefully, the discussion will be more two-sided when the time is right and the conversation between you and your partner will be more passionate. Have sex because you and your partner are mutually comfortable and ready for sex. It should never be one-sided.
3. Can We Talk? Communication Is Key
Both you and your partner should practice safe sex and be able to talk openly and honestly about it. There are some serious things to consider before having sex and you should be comfortable talking about them. This includes, but not limited to, what types of birth control you will be using, pregnancy, and STD’s, if you have had or currently have any. This one can be a buzzkill, yes, but better to be safe than sorry. Maybe to ease some of the tension of this one talk about this early on in the relationship if you truly think your partner could be the one that you’re ready to have sex with.
After you have talked about the tough stuff, both you and your partner should be able to talk about what makes you feel good. What positions you like, which you are willing to try and which ones are just not for you. If you are uncomfortable with something your partner is doing let them know right away don’t continue to do something if you are unable to relax and it is causing discomfort. Sex should be fun, pleasurable and safe. And if the two of you have great sexual chemistry it could even become more adventurous.
4. If You Have The Sexual Desire
If the desire isn’t there, then it isn’t there. Do not have sex with your partner just to have sex and do not feel bad about your decision. Remember if they are the right partner then saying no will be okay. There has to be some type of attraction between you and your partner, whether it be emotionally, mentally, physically, or all of the above. Ask yourself ‘what makes me want to share myself with this person?’ Be honest with yourself. If you can not answer that question and feel good about your answer, then maybe it’s not the right time in the relationship or maybe your current partner is not the right one for you.
Hopefully, you have this sexual desire while sober. Yes, it’s fun to have a drink, if of legal age, while with your partner, it may even ease the tension and relax you if you have the first date jitters, but alcohol, if too much is consumed, could potentially lead to poor judgment. You may regret your actions later and not be able to undo what has been done.
5. Accept the Consequences
Whether you are in a committed relationship or friends with benefits it shouldn’t matter as long as you are willing to take responsibility for what comes after having sex with your partner. Is your partner as committed to the relationship as you are? Do you trust your partner enough that after having sex they will not flee the relationship and want to see other people? If you are just friends with benefits are you okay with them seeing other people at the same time as you and vise versa?
Maybe you are both just looking for a quick thing never wanting to see one another again and that’s ok. Or maybe you want more of a commitment than your partner is willing to give. In the end, have some realistic expectations of your partner after you have had sex. This could save a lot of unnecessary stress and heartache.