Michigan- the Great North. It’s a place like no other and its residents aren’t afraid to tell you so. Nor will they let you forget the state’s pride and joy- the UMichigan (sorry not sorry MSU). If you’re an out-of-state Wolverine- all the Michigan natives will have figured out before the name of your Chicago suburb could even leave your mouth.
1) You never thought your body could be used as a map until now.
A typical first-time conversation with a Michigan native goes something like this:
Me: Where are you from?
Michigander: *shoves their hand towards your face while pointing at freckle on their hand*
2) Enunciating local town names challenges everything you thought you knew about the English langauge.
You pronounce “ Ypsilanti” , “Yep-silan-tee”. Or god forbid, you say “ Mack-i-nack” But don’t worry, not even all in-staters can do it.
3) Two words: Canada Goose
Before heading up north, family and acquaintances terrified you the images of blizzards and <35 degree weather- obviously the best solution was buying a $900 parka engineered for the Antarctic tundra. ( Meanwhile nobody from Michigan owns one and they laugh at your inexperience)
4) On the other hand- you might have completely underestimated the cold and didn’t buy a single winter coat.
* Walking to class like *
5) Despite your wardrobe troubles-you’re still excited for snow!
While the first sow may be pretty and fun- all Michiganders know it’ll turn into brown sludge and make walking to class that much more annoying.
6) Realizing the Toldeo War never actually ended.
Sure we all agree Ohio is the worst, but Michiganders REALLY hate them. Who’d of thought the greatest rivalry ever existed started 180 years ago.
7) Soda. Coke. Fountain drink. Carbonated beverage. You’ll say anything except “pop”
Unfortunately you’re surrounded by in-stater students who haven’t updated their vocabulary since the 1950’s.
8) You thought Coney Island was in New York.
Nope- it’s a hot dog.
7) You learn going to the “beach” is going to the lake.
No salt. No sharks. No problem.
10) The Michigan left turns you into a horrible driver.
And potholes. Potholes everywhere.
11) All your in-state friends are offended you’ve never been to a cider mill.
It’s not a Michigan autumn without at least one trip to the local cider mil- complete with apples, hot cider, and fresh donuts.
12) You learn the upper Michigan peninsula is a country of its own.
The “Upper” is a mythical tundra and after hearing all the rumors you’re pretty sure its inhabited by a Yeti. Not even in state students fully understand it or the people that live there.
13) Everything you knew about the state before Welcome week came entirely from Kid Rock’s ” All Summer Long”
Turns out the Michigan summers really are something to sing about.
14) You’re laptop is decorated with your home state’s or city’s Redbubble stickers.
No computer is complete without a Block M and Chicago skyline stickers, since every other out-of-state student is from there. * TFW you buy your first stickers*
15) Finally you realize the UMichigan is everything you’ve been missing in your life.
Jim Harbaugh applauds you.