{"id":149875,"date":"2025-10-31T20:15:20","date_gmt":"2025-10-31T20:15:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.society19.com\/uk\/?p=149875"},"modified":"2025-10-31T20:15:20","modified_gmt":"2025-10-31T20:15:20","slug":"why-you-need-to-stop-flaking-on-your-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.society19.com\/uk\/why-you-need-to-stop-flaking-on-your-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"Why You Need To Stop Flaking On Your Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

Flaking. You know you\u2019re guilty of it. Whether the flaker or the flakee, there\u2019s nothing quite like it when plans you\u2019ve found you really don\u2019t want to go to are cancelled. Research suggests that flaking is something of a British phenomenon: of the average 104 social arrangements we make, we only turn up to half of them<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Whilst any extra me-time is welcome in our increasingly busy lives, when it comes to maintaining your relationships with friends and family, you need to stop with the flaking. Cancelling or bailing on plans last minute might provide a rush of relief for you, but for the person you\u2019re flaking on \u2013 aka, the flakee<\/em> \u2013 it\u2019s not satisfying in the slightest.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t have a mirage friend, it\u2019s probably you<\/h2>\n

Mirage \u2018friends\u2019 are the sort that repeatedly make plans, remind you how much they\u2019re looking forward to seeing you, and then BAM: surprise, surprise, at the last minute, they can\u2019t make it. When it comes to mirage friends, the concept of actually<\/em> seeing them in real life is an illusion<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t have someone in your life with these flaky tendencies, then you\u2019re probably the one that\u2019s doing the flaking. The flaking isn\u2019t necessarily done with ill-intent either \u2013 living increasingly stressful lives, we\u2019re bound to overstretch ourselves. Perhaps when it comes to flaking, you\u2019d rather flake on your closest friends or family, on the basis that they would give you the free pass you wouldn\u2019t enjoy from lesser friends who won\u2019t love you unconditionally.<\/p>\n

But the fact of the matter is, when you just assume or expect your loved ones to accept your last minute, short notice flaking without holding any resentment towards you, you\u2019re ultimately taking advantage of them.<\/p>\n

\n

You make them feel disposable<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m not about to lie and deny I\u2019ve never flaked out on a friend, but alas, karma is a bitch and I have duly been flaked on by friends as many times as I have flaked on them and trust me \u2013 there\u2019s no worse feeling.<\/p>\n

Flaking on your friends makes them feel disposable and disrespected; that something better has come up that you would rather do with the time you arranged to spend with them. When it comes to that perfunctory \u201cI\u2019m sooo sorry, I\u2019m the absolute worst…\u201d text \u2013 whether you construct a semi-believable excuse or flippantly say \u201cabsolutely EXHAUSTED from work. Can we rain check?\u201d \u2013 they\u2019re going to feel equally as stung.<\/p>\n

Whilst the flaking every once in a while is forgivable, when it\u2019s happening on the regular, it\u2019s time to consider how your flaking habits are effecting your relationships.<\/p>\n

Stop making plans you can\u2019t keep<\/h2>\n

The thing with flaking is that it\u2019s very rarely meant with malice. Often \u2013 in my case, at least \u2013 the prospect of catching up with a friend over coffee or cocktails sounds really good. It\u2019s not about making plans with absolutely zero intention of ever committing to them.<\/p>\n

(Though if it is, you need to reconsider why you feel this way, and if this person is really worth the trouble of making plans for the sake of saving face.)<\/p>\n

More often than not, once the day or time for those pre-planned social arrangements you were genuinely looking forward to roll around, the idea of getting up and out feels like the very last thing you want to do. Maybe this is because you\u2019re over-worked, over-stressed, and over-committed \u2013 maybe you\u2019re something of a social butterfly that is used to seeing different people all the time, but when it comes to the inevitable desire for a night in by yourself, it always happens to be the same person you\u2019re flaking on.<\/p>\n

Sound familiar? I know I\u2019m guilty of arranging to see people for their sake rather than a mutual one, and when I don\u2019t make the plans, I feel like crap for letting them down, and so will try to make up for it by making 101 different plans… before flaking again.<\/p>\n

Stop spreading yourself thinly and invest in the relationships you value most.<\/p>\n

If you find it regularly feels good to flake on plans, then consider the fact you probably shouldn\u2019t have made them in the first place.<\/p>\n

Rather than scheduling endless mate-dates with not-so-close friends or colleagues for the sake of looking popular and well-liked, invest your time and effort in those closest to you. Rather than flaking on them because you know they won\u2019t hold it against you, don\u2019t impose expectations on them and stick to your plans.<\/p>\n

Even when you\u2019re at your most tired\/hungover\/lazy, you\u2019re likely to be glad to have got up and gone out to spend time with these people in your life, and when you treat them with the respect and trust you rely on them for, you\u2019ll find you\u2019ll get flaked on less, too.<\/p>\n

\n

Catch up over ice cream? I’ll take mine without the flake.<\/h3>\n

Featured image source: https:\/\/www.brit.co\/spring-desktop-and-mobile-wallpapers\/<\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Flaking. You know you\u2019re guilty of it. Whether the flaker or the flakee, there\u2019s nothing quite like it when plans you\u2019ve found you really don\u2019t want to go to are cancelled. Research suggests that flaking is something of a British phenomenon: of the average 104 social arrangements we make, we only turn up to half…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25685,"featured_media":149876,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":true},"categories":[1805],"tags":[23060,23061,8119,23062,23063,23064,23065,23066],"thb-sponsors":[],"class_list":["post-149875","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-flaking","tag-flaking-out","tag-friendship","tag-letting-your-fr","tag-letting-your-friends-down","tag-mirage-friend","tag-snowflake","tag-social-plans"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy You Need To Stop Flaking On Your Friends - Society19 UK<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Flaking, bailing, cancelling - whatever you call it, we're all guilty of it. 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