Sixty-two percent of trans people experience transphobia in public spaces; your unintentional words just add to their problems.\u00a0<\/i>\u00a0What is not okay to say to a trans person?\u00a0I\u2019m here to\u00a0answer that and to\u00a0correct the word vomit that people unknowingly spew from their mouths. So keep reading to learn some of the things not to say to a trans person.<\/p>\n1. “When\u00a0did you decide to switch genders?”<\/h2>\n
Families are generally the worst when it comes to\u00a0\u2018coming out\u2019 because they ask\u00a0\u2018When\u00a0did you decide to switch genders?\u2019\u00a0Being trans isn\u2019t\u00a0a choice; I never woke up one day and said\u00a0\u2018I\u2019m\u00a0gonna\u00a0be a man now!\u2019\u00a0\u00a0You don\u2019t decide\u00a0what your gender is; you figure it out along the road. Some get there faster, but no matter how long it takes, your gender is still valid.\u00a0For me, it was like everything suddenly clicked into place and so many things made sense.<\/p>\n
Another family hit is \u2018I\u2019ll always see you as (insert gender here)\u2019, which is just a whole other level of offensiveness.\u00a0That\u00a0says\u00a0that you aren\u2019t accepting them as\u00a0the gender they are, and that\u2019s\u00a0not fair. It\u2019s not even just family; friends say this stuff as well.\u00a0Saying that you only see them as their \u2018past gender\u2019 just means you have never seen them for who they are in the first place and that you need to stop living in the past.<\/p>\n
Most of the things that are offensively said are\u00a0generally said by\u00a0stupidly curious people. They say the\u00a0dumbest and most\u00a0invasive\u00a0things that you could think off.\u00a0Someone actually asked me \u2018Have you had the surgery yet?\u2019\u00a0Ridiculous, right?\u00a0Firstly,\u00a0the surgery is a choice and whether we\u2019ve had it or not is none of your business.\u00a0And it\u2019s the way they say \u2018the surgery\u2019 which makes it worse\u00a0because it makes it sound\u00a0like it\u2019s a new fashion trend. They make it sound like something that needs at trademark at the end of it.<\/p>\n
You would think that we\u00a0would\u00a0get some privacy\u00a0in our lives, but then we\u00a0get\u00a0people\u00a0who ask \u2018What you got down there?\u2019\u00a0while\u00a0non-discreetly\u00a0looking and nodding at the crotch region.\u00a0Why does that even\u00a0matter? Knowing what\u2019s in someone\u2019s pants isn\u2019t exactly going to change their\u00a0gender;\u00a0you wouldn\u2019t ask that to a cis\u00a0gendered person\u00a0(someone who recognises as their birth gender), so we expect the same courtesy. And for some reason people can get offended if they didn’t know we were trans, especially if they showed a romantic interest in us. They get annoyed that we didn’t announce the fact we’re trans when that’s nobodies business. Did we get annoyed when we found out you were cis? No, because we know whether somebody is trans or not doesn’t matter.<\/p>\n
Then there are the people who don\u2019t even respect\u00a0you, let alone your boundaries.\u00a0\u00a0They\u2019ll most likely say\u00a0something along the lines of \u2018Can\u2019t I just use\u00a0your old pronouns?\u2019\u00a0 However,\u00a0if they don\u2019t respect your pronouns then they don\u2019t respect you.\u00a0\u00a0Some people\u00a0even\u00a0refuse to use neutral pronouns (they\/them\u00a0or it\/its\u00a0etc.) because they think it\u2019s confusing and that they don\u2019t know how many people they\u2019re\u00a0talking about.\u00a0It really isn\u2019t that hard to use neutral pronouns, if you don\u2019t know someone\u2019s gender then you would neutralise the pronouns\u00a0to not insult them.\u00a0Most Pok\u00e9mon don\u2019t have genders so neutral pronouns were used with them.\u00a0 And it\u2019s\u00a0always pretty obvious that you\u2019re talking about one person.<\/p>\n
The most common reaction I generally get out of people is \u2018OMG that\u2019s so\u00a0cool!\/\u00a0You\u00a0must be so brave!\u2019 or something along the lines of that.\u00a0We\u00a0get that you just want to show you\u2019re okay with a trans person, but we are still\u00a0people.\u00a0I don\u2019t\u00a0get excited when I get introduced to a cis person\u00a0because that\u2019s just weird; they\u2019re\u00a0a normal person and so are we.\u00a0There\u2019s nothing \u2018cool\u2019 about us (some are cool but that\u2019s their personality) and sure we can be considered brave because\u00a0\u2018coming out\u2019\u00a0is a hard process and what many people don\u2019t seem to understand is that we come out multiple times.\u00a0\u00a0We have to tell people on a regular basis and that\u2019s only after we know it\u2019s safe. But it\u2019s the action that\u2019s brave, not who we are.\u00a0It\u2019s nice to see the support but don\u2019t treat us\u00a0like a different person because of who we are.<\/p>\n
One time I made a new friend and she introduced me as her ‘trans friend’. Why she labeled me, I didn’t know, but it was insulting. Why do I need to be the ‘trans friend’, can’t I just be the ‘friend’? What’s wrong with wanting that? Plus she outed me to someone I may not have wanted to be out too. You need to have someone’s permission before you can tell others about their sexual orientation or their gender.<\/p>\n
Next is the person who likes to point out your appearance; they can say \u2018You\u00a0look\u00a0just like a (Insert gender here)’. I can\u2019t say this for all trans people, but not all of us like people pointing out what gender we look like.\u00a0It draws\u00a0attention to it and\u00a0you may mean well by complimenting us, but you don\u2019t have to say it out loud.\u00a0But you could also be saying that we don\u2019t look like the\u00a0genders\u00a0we recognise\u00a0as. Clothes do not hold\u00a0genders; a boy could wear\u00a0a skirt but he is still\u00a0a boy.<\/p>\n
Another way this can go is \u2018Why don\u2019t you try harder?\u2019 I never understood what they wanted me to try harder\u00a0at. Just let people wear what they are comfortable with.\u00a0I\u2019m trans male\u00a0and for a while I couldn\u2019t afford to get a chest\u00a0binder because those\u00a0things\u00a0are\u00a0expensive.\u00a0So\u00a0people judged me for \u2018not looking the part\u2019; and this is the case for other trans people. \u2018Looking the part\u2019 can be expensive or that person\u2019s home life isn\u2019t that great. Not all parents are supportive of their trans children and they don\u2019t let them have the freedom with their\u00a0clothing choices like others have. I was lucky to have\u00a0parents who didn’t really care about the way I looked,\u00a0but\u00a0others\u00a0aren\u2019t so lucky.<\/p>\n
What does that even mean?\u00a0If someone is trans female and she\u2019s heterosexual that\u00a0does not make her gay because\u00a0she\u2019s a woman attracted to\u00a0a man. She might be MAAB (Male Assigned\u00a0At\u00a0Birth)\u00a0but she is still a woman and if she\u2019s\u00a0heterosexual then that\u2019s it. This occurs to all the genders; the gender that you were assigned with at birth does not link into your sexuality.\u00a0The same goes for when someone says \u2018Why can\u2019t you just be gay?\u2019<\/p>\n
First of\u00a0all, I would like to say that trans people can be bisexual, pansexual, asexual,\u00a0demisexual\u00a0or any other sexuality; and if you don\u2019t know the meanings of these sexualities then google them.\u00a0If you\u2019re trans it isn\u2019t easier to\u00a0\u2018just be gay\u2019, it\u2019s hard to hide who you are just so you don\u2019t offend someone.\u00a0And being told to \u2018just be gay\u2019 means that you\u00a0want us to hide who we are.<\/p>\n
One of the most common things I have come across is the apology; it\u2019s not as offensive as the others, but it\u2019s still annoying.\u00a0This\u00a0is\u00a0when someone will get your name\/pronouns\u00a0wrong and\u00a0say \u2018sorry\u2019 a million times afterwards.\u00a0We appreciate the fact that you actually want to apologise and that you recognise that you got something wrong, but don\u2019t draw attention\u00a0to it. My old English teacher got my pronouns wrong once and he wouldn\u2019t stop apologising for it, even after I said it was fine.\u00a0What made it worse was that everyone\u00a0in the class was looking at me; it was horrible.<\/p>\n
We are normal people, we are perfectly capable of handling someone getting our name\/pronouns\u00a0wrong because you are definitely not the first\u00a0person and you most certainly\u00a0won\u2019t be the last\u00a0to do so. Instead of a million apologies, maybe you should just correct yourself, and say something like \u2018That\u2019s what she… sorry, they said.\u2019 It\u2019s simple, right? What we appreciate the most is\u00a0a correction because we understand\u00a0that people have the occasional slip of the tongues.<\/p>\n
Now, I understand that not all things that are said to us is offensive. If someone gets our name or pronouns wrong when they first meet us and they didn’t know, then that’s not their fault. We just need to correct them. If we don’t then we can’t get offended because we never corrected them. But if we did correct them and they still use the wrong name or pronouns, then that’s not our fault.<\/p>\n
Lastly, we have a \u2018real\u2019 name. This generally occurs after someone finds out that your trans and when you tell them your name, they stupidly ask for your \u2018real\u2019 name. This is\u00a0probably the most annoying thing to say to a trans person because the name they just gave you is their real name.\u00a0You might mean the name that they were given at birth, but that\u2019s\u00a0still\u00a0not their real name; their name is the one that they give you.\u00a0I\u2019ve just never understood why people want to know a name that isn\u2019t even mine, it\u2019s not like I\u2019ll respond if\u00a0you use it.\u00a0It\u2019s like\u00a0calling someone called Alfie,\u00a0Robert; it\u2019s rude to change someone\u2019s name.<\/p>\n
Sixty-two percent of trans people experience transphobia in public spaces; your unintentional words just add to their problems.\u00a0\u00a0What is not okay to say to a trans person?\u00a0I\u2019m here to\u00a0answer that and to\u00a0correct the word vomit that people unknowingly spew from their mouths. So keep reading to learn some of the things not to say to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22375,"featured_media":118609,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":true},"categories":[1801],"tags":[9884,9883,9878,9880,9879,9881,9882],"thb-sponsors":[],"class_list":["post-118607","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-in-real-world","tag-misconceptions","tag-misconceptions-about-trans-people","tag-things-not-to-say-to-a-trans-person","tag-trans","tag-trans-person","tag-transgender","tag-transgender-person"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n