Insecurity doesn’t discriminate, it can cripple both men and women alike. The key to tackling insecurity is to not let it overwhelm you, especially in a relationship as it can lead you to push your partner away, and eventually to the deterioration of your relationship. Whilst insecurity arises from our own personal demons, insecurity can also be alleviated with the help of somebody else, especially someone who loves you. In a relationship, your partner should be able to recognise your insecurities and what triggers them, and instead of viewing your insecurities as flaws, they should accept them and try to help you overcome them. So without further ado, this article is designed to help males and females make their girlfriends feel less insecure.
1. Pay her a compliment.
Okay so there is no need to go overboard and praise every inch of your girlfriend from the tip of her head to her toes, but compliment the aspects of her body of personality that you know she feels conscious about. Speak from the heart and show you genuinely worship her, a little compliment every day is so easy to say and will mean more to her than you will ever know. You might forget what you said to her on Monday but she will more than likely remember it for many months after and use it to draw strength and confidence from. Show her you appreciate her and feel lucky to be in a relationship with her.
2. Listen to her.
You might not be able to understand why your girlfriend is feeling insecure, whether it be about herself or your relationship, such as doubting the depth of your love for her or your fidelity. But the key to make your girlfriend less insecure is to hear her out and give her your undivided attention. This shows that you care and making her feel that she is understood and that she has someone she can always talk to and lean on, will go a long way in helping banish her insecurities. Listening will also help you to learn what triggers her insecurities and if you can change your behaviour accordingly.
3. Reassure her of the depth of your feelings.
I Love/Like. You. These are three simple words that no matter what stage in your relationship you are at, whether it is early on or more advanced, will help put your girlfriend’s mind and heart at ease. There is no need to reassure her every five minutes but it is especially important if you both have busy or conflicting schedules and can’t see each other as much as you want to. Reassuring her how much you care will make her feel secure in your relationship and like you only have eyes for her.
4. Communicate with her.
Most girlfriends in relationships feel insecure due to a lack of communication with their partners; I feel I speak on behalf of most girls when I say that anxiety can stem from not hearing from their partner very often. Boys without a doubt have a much more relaxed attitude to texting and communicating through various social media platforms – the worst thing you can do is ignore your girlfriend for hours at a time or to leave her on read. Even if you don’t have time to reply right away, send her a little message like: ‘really busy at work babe but I’m thinking of you and will reply later’. This will instantly put her mind at rest and help ease any insecurities she might have.
5. Do not initiate sex all the time.
My boyfriend recently told me that sometimes he doesn’t initiate sex on purpose to show me that our relationship isn’t purely physical and that he is attracted to me on other levels. This was probably the best thing he could have told me. Not having sex every time you see your partner doesn’t mean you feel any less strongly about each other, but that you are content doing whatever when you are together; a cuddle can be just as intimate and meaningful as sex.
6. Publicly show you love her.
I hate overt displays of PDA as much as the next person but little gestures such as holding your girlfriend’s hand, putting an arm round her, or giving her a kiss on the cheek all show her, and other people, that you are proud to have her as your girlfriend. This goes both ways, you shouldn’t have to dramatically alter your relationship in front of an audience, don’t be shy to show her you love her to the rest of the world and within the privacy of your own home. If she feels loved, she will be less likely to feel insecure about herself and about your relationship.
7. Rely on your girlfriend and show her that she is needed.
Many of my friends have spoken to me about how they are conscious of being too intense or clingy in a relationship and as a result they hold back the true extent of their feelings, or worry that their partner isn’t as into the relationship as they are. Show your girlfriend that you need her as much as she needs you; if she feels wanted, she will feel more secure and relaxed.
8. Ask her what you can do to help.
It would be great if you could read your girlfriend’s mind but unfortunately this isn’t possible and unfortunately what you think might help your girlfriend, might actually make her insecurities worse. So ask her what you can do to help her, this not only shows that you care and want to help her out, but also gives her a little bit of power and control over her insecurities by acknowledging that she knows best how to resolve them.
So there you have it, a list of ways to make your girlfriend less insecure. Can you think of any other ways? If so, then answer in the comment section below.
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My name is Nicole Brownfield and I am 20 years old. I am studying English Literature and going into my 3rd and final year of Queen Mary University, London in September. I am currently the Editor-In-chief of my University magazine 'CUB' and my dream is to pursue a career in journalism after I graduate. I love living in London and am obsessed with sourcing out food and drink places, as well as exploring the parts of London I have never been to before. My boyfriend and I have recently turned pescatarian and this symbolises my goal to constantly keep bettering myself and to stay healthy and disciplined. Every day I try and achieve something as I want to look back and be proud of the life I have lived, and to make my family proud too.