Not all women enjoy putting on makeup. That is a terrible stereotype that needs to stop because I don’t want to be expected to come out with some mesmerising eye makeup on every night out. Sometimes it can be the bane of our lives but for some reason, we’ll still put it on. But before you say anything, we do it for ourselves, not for anyone else. It can make us feel good even if we’re not skilled in it. Here are 10 things you’ll relate to if, like me, you’re terrible at makeup.
1. “Wtf is contouring?”
Contouring is a mystery. If you’re terrible at makeup, chances are that you’ll have no idea what it is or where it goes. It’s a magical mystery that you know you’ll never master, but you’re okay with that because it looks too complicated to even try. It has something to do with shadows to make yourself look different but otherwise, who knows? I’ll stick to my 2D-looking, pale skin thanks.
2. Your eyeliner keeps growing until it’s even.
Eyeliner is a nightmare until you master it. You’ll be there for hours trying to make the wings look even. If you’re terrible at makeup, by the time you start to give up, you’ll be back to your goth days with three inches thick eyeliner surrounding your eyes. Then it’s time to wipe it off and start all over again.
3. “What is this brush for again?”
Too. Many. Brushes! Angled ones, fluffy ones, tiny ones, what are they for?! Just stick to using your fingers or to a small set of brushes that don’t really work but are acceptable enough for you to pass as normal. Why would you spend so much money on so many brushes when one or two does the job of about ten?
4. Your eyes only have one colour on them because using more is just not in your skill set.
One or two eye-shadow colours at a time. Any more and you’re just inviting trouble. Smokey eyes? What’s that? Rainbow eyes? Who needs them? It’s far too complicated and takes up too much time. Just nope!
5. Highlighters are used for revision.
Now in my opinion, a highlighter is what you use to highlight a word on paper, not something you put on your face. Who comes up with all this s**t? If the light doesn’t fall on me ‘perfectly’ who cares? Why should I force it?
6. You don’t like spending money on makeup, especially if it’s over £10.
Budget makeup might not always work but what does it matter when you don’t work well either? Use equipment that is as bad as you, it’s cheaper. If you’re terrible at makeup you just can’t be bothered with it. I’d rather buy a takeaway or two than spend over £20 on one thing. It’s insane!
7. Eyebrows are too complicated.
The shape, the tail, it’s all too much! There’s something about angles and how it lines up with your nose? Something about sisters not twins? What kind of language is this? See, now, this is why I had a fringe nearly all my life. Saved me the hassle.
8. You have a favourite lipstick that you stick with and that’s usually it.
Lipstick can be pretty easy. But if you’re terrible at makeup then you usually just stick to a few regular colours. There’s no point in trying a two-toned look otherwise you’d look like a clown. Just stick with what you know and that’s all you need. But be careful with red lipstick because that s**t stains!
9. “You look ill, are you okay?”
Just because I don’t smother myself in products doesn’t mean that I’m not wearing any, okay? I’m not ill, I’m perfectly fine! I don’t look like other people because I’m incredibly pale and like it. Leave me be with my light makeup!
10. You spend about 5 minutes daily, 5 hours if you actually try.
One good thing at being terrible at makeup, is that it doesn’t take up much of your time. You stick with what you know and you get good at it. It’s when you start experimenting that things go horribly wrong. What usually takes ten minutes will take up to two hours! Know your limitations.