Do you have a crush on someone? Are you in the thrall of that terrible, wonderful, deep desire? If you’re not right now, you have been. We all have. And no matter how confident, how suave you might have been (or felt), mistakes were made at some point. These are seven things not to do when you have a crush on someone!
Don’t Come Off Too Strong
The last thing you want to do is make too big of a deal about it. Coming off too strong may very well be a turn-off for whoever you’re courting (don’t say that you’re courting anyone either). You’ve heard this advice before. Play it cool. Looking desperate won’t do the trick, you’ll probably scare the other person away. I know it’s tough. You’re brimming with various emotions and thoughts that you want to actualise.
Think of the level that you want to operate at and do less. This doesn’t mean act disinterested. That can also be fairly common advice, synonymous with ‘play it cool’, but I’d disagree. There are problems with the notion that acting like you don’t care about someone will attract them to you. Let’s be honest, it’s just a problematic notion in general. You WANT the person that you have a crush on to know that you’re interested in them. It’s a balancing act, to be sure, as we’re about to see…
Don’t Underplay It
While you’re busy trying to contain the infatuation that you’re feeling, as to not let it slip out in embarrassing ways, you may be at risk of swinging too far the other way. Is it possible to be too subtle? Nuance is good, as with all things, but I don’t have to tell you that subtlety and nuance are not the same things.
Engaging with someone in a nuanced fashion will make for more interesting conversations and interactions. If you’re prepared to show that you’re multifaceted, or that you’re willing to know the other person in a profound way (depending on the context and what the concerned parties are after), that could be a way of expressing nuance.
Being too understated may result in giving off the wrong signals, i.e. coming off like you’re disinterested. As pointed out before, that’s not what you’re going for. Sure, you don’t want to overshare in these early days. It’s a matter of reading the other person, and the situation at large. If you underplay your interactions with your crush too much, YOU MAY LOSE YOUR ONE AND ONLY CHANCE. Ultimately, how far you go or how far you don’t go is up to you and the other person.
Don’t Misinterpret Signs
This one’s less rulebook- esque because you invariably WILL make this mistake. When you have a crush, you may find yourself in the position where you have to question whether the crush in question feels the same way. Countless songs have been written on the subject. They don’t talk about it in juvenile terms like ‘crush’ though.
Anyway, the age-old question – “are they into me?”. It can be blindingly obvious whether they’re interested or not, in which case you can count yourself lucky. You’ve avoided being stuck in limbo. But this really more of a state of mind than anything, right? Much of the see-sawing between going in too strong and underplaying it comes down to uncertainty.
Questions will arise about how much you have to put yourself out there before your crush shows signs of reciprocity if they do indeed exist. Don’t get carried away. Use your intuition and read any signs that may come your way.
Don’t Manufacture a Persona
When you have a crush, you want to come off as cool as possible. You may be completely secure in your personality and fully embrace the maxim “be yourself”. More power to you. Others feel the need to put on something of a persona. Let’s be real here: Personality is a construct. We all present slightly different versions of ourselves while in different company. It’s perfectly normal. Another common occurrence is overcompensating when in the presence of your crush.
You want to put your best foot forward not look like a total ass. So you put on something of a front. The problem with going too far with this is that if you do end up with your crush, you won’t possibly be able to keep up such an act. So am I saying be yourself? Try your level best to be the right you for the right context. The rest will hopefully follow.
Don’t Get Jealous
Please for the love of whatever you believe in, don’t feel jealous, much less act jealous. When you have a crush and you see them flirting or being flirted with, you’re liable to feel this way. It’s irrational to feel this way but many of us do. We can’t control how we feel but we can control how we behave based on those feelings. It a good start is to accept those feelings and then try to move past them.
Don’t Be Rash
The strength of your feelings when you have a crush may make act in a rash a manner. You may feel a need for immediacy for fear of losing your chance. It’s true, there are certain windows of opportunity that arise depending on various circumstances, but it’s not the end of the world if you miss them.
Just the end of your world, for a little bit. You’ll get over it. If you act too quickly you may make mistakes that could have avoided. Put some thought into what you’re doing. While you’re at it though…
Don’t Overthink It
You may get lost in your own head, agonizing over how to best approach your crush. In terms of how you’ll comport yourself, on what to talk about, etc. Your brain will probably add a lot of useless things to the list. If you get stuck in your thoughts, planning and over-analysing everything, know where you’ll end up? Exactly there, stuck in your head, getting nothing done. When you have a crush, the best thing is to not make it a complicated and rigid experience.