Let’s talk sex. Like when you get in a car for the first time and you need an instructor to help guide you, sex is also a process that needs perfecting because in all honesty, no ones first time is the ‘magical’, soul-binding experience portrayed in movies. Having said that, losing your virginity is also not the nightmarish bloodbath your parents and sex ed videos might have led you to believe so as to scare you. Therefore, what follows is an honest and informative list of 8 things that no one tells you about losing your virginity. Once you have read this, you can stick your key in the ignition and really get your engine revving (sorry I will stop with the car metaphors now…)
1. Sex doesn’t have to involve penetration.
That’s right, the penis doesn’t have to enter the vagina for you to ‘lose it’. Especially in non-heterosexual sexual encounters. Sex is a very loose term and can encompass anything from penetration, oral sex, anal sex, manual stimulation and even dildos. From personal experience, oral sex can be just as satisfying and even more intimate than penetration. So don’t think you have done it wrong your first time, all that matters is that it felt right in the moment and that you were comfortable. There is no set checklist for losing your virginity (or for the times after that).
2. The warm up is more important than the main event.
Going in, or trying anything completely dry equals one thing and one thing only. Friction. It is the equivalent of rubbing sandpaper all over your genitals. To avoid soreness, foreplay is imperative. It is important for both women and men to be properly aroused beforehand; for women, the vagina muscles will expand to accommodate the penis and ensure smooth entry. For men, increased arousal leads to a firmer erection and a stronger orgasm. If natural methods like oral sex do not work for you, then my recommendation is lube, lube and more lube!
3. The ‘Big O’ doesn’t have to happen the first time.
Not everybody has an orgasm the first time they lose their virginity. Or every time they have sex. It is actually much harder for women to orgasm and contrary to what you might expect, having an orgasm shouldn’t be the end goal of sex. What is important is to find out what your partner does and doesn’t like and to get to explore each other’s bodies in an intimate way.
4. Your first time will most probably be awkward.
Is this really it? Is this what I have waited for all this time? These are two of the questions that might run through your mind as you are losing your virginity. Take my first time for example, my partner’s penis wouldn’t go in. I was too nervous. I wasn’t relaxed. During your first time, you will experience so many different emotions and feel like you have been thrown in at the deep end. But don’t worry, practice makes perfect, especially as you grow to learn what you like.
5.Technically, your cherry doesn’t ‘pop’.
It won’t be like when you bite into a tomato and the juice squirts everywhere. Some people bleed when they lose their virginity and some people do not. Some people bleed a little and some people bleed a lot. But in reality, the hymen is made up of thin folds of stretchy tissue at the vaginal opening and when you lose your virginity, these folds may tear or stretch. They do not disappear or break when you first have sex. Your ‘cherry’ can also be popped riding a bike or doing gymnastics, not just when you lose your virginity for the first time.
6. Your first time requires planning.
Spontaneity can be fun. It can be exciting. It can also be dangerous when it comes to losing your virginity. It is important to plan ahead so as to avoid a pregnancy scare or an STD. Both partners need to consider contraceptive methods such as condoms or the pill – the list is endless so there is no excuse not to be safe.
7. No one cares that you are still a virgin.
People put so much pressure on losing their virginity for the first time. There is no correct age to lose it and it is not a big deal if you are still a virgin. In fact, some people find it a turn on if you are still a virgin as opposed to being well practiced. Virginity means something different to everyone: for some it is a big deal and something precious not to be thrown away, but for others it is the complete opposite. Either way, don’t overthink losing your virginity.
8.You can STOP anytime during.
Leading on from the previous point, you should only lose your virginity if you are comfortable and if BOTH partners consent. Even if you decide halfway through that it is all a bit too much and that you do not want to go further, this is completely fine. Communication is key so talk to your partner and reassure them at every stage. Losing your virginity can wait- go at your own pace.
If you have already lost your virginity, did people tell you these things beforehand? Or if you are still a virgin, did you find this article about losing your virginity helpful? Answer in the comment section below.
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My name is Nicole Brownfield and I am 20 years old. I am studying English Literature and going into my 3rd and final year of Queen Mary University, London in September. I am currently the Editor-In-chief of my University magazine 'CUB' and my dream is to pursue a career in journalism after I graduate. I love living in London and am obsessed with sourcing out food and drink places, as well as exploring the parts of London I have never been to before. My boyfriend and I have recently turned pescatarian and this symbolises my goal to constantly keep bettering myself and to stay healthy and disciplined. Every day I try and achieve something as I want to look back and be proud of the life I have lived, and to make my family proud too.