Life in the Real World

10 Signs You Are A Teen Grandmother

Finally! An article on my area of expertise. Being a teen grandmother is a fine art and many of my friends reading this will be chuckling away at the following 10 things that I do every day as a self- proclaimed teen grandmother! For anyone who does not know what a ‘teen grandmother’ is, it is essentially someone young who does things that are typically associated with an older generation.

1. You prefer a quiet night in rather than a mad night of clubbing

My teen grandmother-hood became apparent to my flatmates after about 3 days. I did two nights of partying and then was wiped out by the 3rd day, I wanted to stay in, tidy my room and watch some Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t party or that you don’t ever but you’d just rather be tucked up in bed by 10pm rather than just leaving for a night out. And mismatched pyjamas are all that your wardrobe consists of.

2. Cleaning is genuinely fun to you

You find genuine satisfaction in removing a stain or cleaning the kitchen. You get a weird sense of pride about having things in a certain order and you love the praise you receive when you’ve done a great job. Your room is immaculate and you definitely have a system in your wardrobe.

3. You often have to help out your friends with grandmotherly tasks

Many of my flatmate’s clothes have been saved by your grandmotherly powers. You are well versed in the art of stain removal and just general life hacks that people haven’t usually picked up until well into their 30’s. You are the one they come to, to check if their chickens cooked or if they’ve written an email correctly.

4. You are chief makeup remover

Your drunken housemates and friends return from a night out, feeling and looking pretty merry. You, of course, wait up for them to come home. Book them taxis where necessary and remove the makeup before putting your honourary grandchildren to bed.

5. You provide all the baked goods

No matter the occasion-  birthdays, anniversaries, completed assignments or just a lousy Thursday – you provide the baked treats to celebrate, console and chow down on. And they are great.

6. Planning is your fave

You definitely have a diary in which you write down all the important days and dates you need to remember. You live by it and you never miss a thing. You are uber organised and you help others to be too. You probably meal plan and budget too.

7. You can be stern but fair

If you are in trouble with your grandmother, you must have really messed up. As teen grandmothers, you are renowned for saying your piece in a way that is stern but fair. People value your opinion because you are ‘old’ and therefore wise.

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8. Gin is your drink

Most people in their teens will drink cider, vodka coke or something else that is cheap but you have finer tastes. You’ll drink gin of all varieties and you know how to match tonics to gin. And if gin is not an option (for whatever unfortunate reason) then a dry white wine will do.

9. Navigator, anytime you are out the house

Whether its a night out or just a trip somewhere new, you are google maps. You lead the way because you can be trusted by your friends to get them wherever you are going. Especially on a night out, you get your friends safely to the club and safely back home again.

10. Always have plastic bags for a supermarket trip

You like to save money wherever you can and shopping trips are no exception. You are already spending a sensible amount on food, you don’t want to spend any more on carrier bags so you always remember your bags for life and spare carrier bags.

Do you think you may be a teen grandmother? Do you have a friend who shows signs of being one? Let us know of any funny anecdotes you have about teen grandmother-hood in the comment section below.

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Shelby Gibbs

Shelby Gibbs is an English Literature and Publishing student at Bath Spa University. Her hobbies include writing, baking and being absurdly organised. You can find her on twitter @shelby1999 and on Instagram @shelbypublishing. Any writing queries please DM me on either of these platforms.

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