Older people definitely think all we do is eat pizza and shag. And, maybe we do. There can be a lot of expectations for sex at uni. It might be some people’s first times. It might be for others, a huge pool and opportunity to try out their wildest fantasies and fucks. I mean, you go glen coco you do you. A time to discover your sexuality, likes and dislikes. It’s basically sex liberation. Sex at uni is full of opportunity to be absolutely seized by the balls. Literally. You’ll definitely have a lot of shit sex. Hopefully, you’ll have a lot of really good sex too. I don’t really believe that any one is bad at sex. I think some bodies work together a lot better than others. I think some people are just more experienced than others. We all gotta get past the stabiliser stage lol, hopefully you’re not actually wearing stabilisers in bed. Now I’ve just taken this to a weird place. Let’s get back on track. So, when I was considering, what are some sex positions to try at uni… I thought well… all of them, I guess?
I’ve been chatting to a few of my friends about this idea this week and we’ve had some great convos. Reminiscing about the best, worst and funniest sex-capades at uni. I’ve had some truly hilarious, some pretty standard and some completely weird ideas offered to me for this article. So, without further ado, check out these 10 sex positions to try at uni inspired by glasses of wine, mine and my friend’s experiences, and just pure curiosity. All of which are suited for the student life and maybe only for the student life…? Check out these 10 sex positions to try at uni. Good luck, and consensual orgasms to all!
Lol totally kidding, you will probably be doing this for the rest of your life you piece of white bread. I mean yeah, it’s the standard.
2. Spin cycle
Bored of the same old laundry routine? Take your sex life for a spin and risk a risqué cycle atop a spare washing machine. A suggestion for all you risk takers out there that aren’t put off the aroma of stinky socks. This is one of the sex positions you have to try.
3. Speed bump
One for those lazy student days. Minimum effort, same finale. Live up to that lazy student stereotype.
So, this one hasn’t been medically advised but came up as a way-out suggestion from a fellow student. If you have your doubts about tingle lube, apparently, a little bit of popping candy applied to the lips before some oral sex you get a similar effect. Not r e a l l y sure about this one… but apparently it’s more tasty and less rank than it sounds… still doubtful.
5. Frosted titties
On the topic of food… slathering yourself in some kind of double fudge Betty Crocker frosting (sorry Betty) is another way to make the bedroom extra tasty. Turn your tits into a couple of Crispy Cremes by adding sprinkles too! Let’s face it… your student house is probably already a mess anyway, what’s an extra smear of frosting gonna change.
6. Hygiene hydraulic
If your student kitchen is dirty, your bathroom is probably worse. This position is shower sex pushing your strength to the max. The aim is for each person to touch as little of the surrounding pube covered surfaces as possible. Good luck, and try not to drop the other into a that forever existing murky brown puddle.
7. Toes in the mouth
One for all you foot fetish lovers out there… lol this is apparently toe-tally awesome! Each toe their own…
8. The book worm
A suggestion for those who don’t have the time between revision sessions to head home for a cheeky session. The library liaison is another high-risk way to lower the high-brow tone. Maybe not one for the silent section though… shhhh
This is a perfect position to avoid being overheard. Take on the sexflix to keep up with the latest episode of Rick and Morty whilst getting down to it. Best performed so everyone is angled facing towards the TV, that’s only fair.
10. Carpet burner
You’ll probably be provided with an unruly and squeaky bed alongside your thin uni student house walls. Get ready to take on the carpet burner that leaves tell-tale marks on knees and backs and more! Hit the floor and take on this position if you want to keep the house from a-rocking.
Enjoy every minute and as much sex as you want at uni. I hope this weird and wonderful list has inspired your life in the bedroom. If not, I hope it’s made you piss yourself laughing as much as it has me. Remember, consent is the only sex that makes sense!