We’ve all been there, mourning the loss of a relationship. Where you muse on the memories you made with your ex through rose tinted glasses. If you’re in a rut and are still pining after your ex, then you’re in serious need of a change. If you’re struggling with becoming a recent resident of single town then this is the list, you need to read.
Mourn the Relationship
Whether you were together for several years, a year, 6 months or a few weeks, it still hurts when a relationship comes to an end. So there is no point entering the familiar territory of denial. Your best bet is to face up to it. You haven’t only lost an important person in your life, you have to mourn all the effort, love and time you put into it. Therefore, by giving yourself some time to grieve you will continue to respect not only yourself but your time. Studies have found that giving yourself some time actually encourages you to move on faster.
No Contact Rule
No matter how much you have the urge to contact your ex, you must resist. It’s understandable you’ll want to communicate because you have probably been in contact every day of your relationship but it is important that you don’t. By not contacting them you are giving yourself time for the break up to sink in. If the two of you keep texting or calling you aren’t aware that things have changed, as you begin to fall into familiar patterns. By implementing radio silence, it also paves the way for a sense of mystery. If you are no longer available, your ex will naturally begin to wonder why. The no contact rule also allows for you to find out more about who you are outside of the relationship.
Write It Down
Sometimes you will need to vent and you will. However, your friends will soon become tired with your constant moaning about your ex. So the next best thing is to get a journal. After all, it won’t speak back and you will be able to get out all of your frustration out without feeling as if you were annoying your friends. This will be super therapeutic and healing as it will give you an outlet for all of your negative emotions.
Bin or Delete
Another important step to follow is bin or delete. When you have spent tons of time with someone it is normal to have accumulated items. However, by having photos or trinkets littering your home they only serve as reminders of what you have lost. Therefore, it is important to declutter your space. If you are feeling brave then bin the lot, not only is this symbolic but it will be freeing. Yet, I am aware that this can be hard so if you don’t feel like you can bin the items, store them in a box and hide them away. That way they will not be easy to access. Furthermore, delete them on social media or hide the posts in your preferences, that way you don’t have to torture yourself by seeing what they are doing without you.
Spending Time with Friends
When you’re a new singleton, it’s imperative that you keep yourself busy. The best way to do this is to surround yourself with your friends, some of which you may feel you have neglected when you were with your ex. But this shouldn’t fill you with anxiety: it should be nice to catch up and find out what you have missed out on! You and your friends will be able to have fun no matter what you do. You may be miserable but it would be worse to be miserable alone. So give your girls a call and organise a pamper night. After all its wine o’clock ladies.
Working out is often underutilised following a breakup but exercise releases endorphins that you will definitely be needing. Furthermore, by getting more in shape you will see your body start to transform and that will also improve your perspective. By making yourself fitter you will begin to feel like the best version of yourself. Through the released endorphins you will begin to feel more positive and radiate a confident aura. This will begin to attract better things towards you, as positivity often breeds more positivity. Ultimately, when you feel better about your appearance you are also going to feel better on the inside.
Give Yourself Time
No matter what you try and do with your new found single life, it is imperative you give yourself time to enjoy being single. Being single is wonderful: it gives you time to find out about yourself. You aren’t bogged down by another person, so you can decide where to go, how to spend your day off or what clubs you are going to join. After all, you come first so why not try some new things. There is nobody to answer to, so you can do whatever you want. You can also get some of your other single friends together and go out and enjoy being single together. After all, you can flirt and have a laugh!
Let it Push You Forward
A lot of people let a breakup control them. Instead, let the breakup push you to better yourself. The fact that you are no longer in a relationship frees up a lot of your time, which only allows you to discover new hobbies. Join a cooking class, a spin class or learn a new language. Choose something that will better yourself! Not only does this open up a new dimension to your personality but you might actually have fun. It will keep your mind off your breakup and ultimately make you feel productive AF.
The worst thing you can do is sit and think about everything you did wrong. Ultimately, you two were simply incompatible and there is no way of fixing that. An ex is an ex for a reason, it doesn’t mean you are a failure because your relationship has ended. By continuing to ruminate over past mistakes, you keep yourself from moving on and that is exactly what you don’t need.
Lastly, say yes to everything even if you don’t want to go. It will push you out of your comfort zone which is exactly what you need following your breakup. By saying yes, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities. Instead of spending your time at home allowing yourself to drown in negative emotions, you meet new people that you can connect with. Ultimately, you’ll be opening up your social circles. Also, by opening up to accepting new experiences you become braver and more accepting of yourself.