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Inside The Mind Of A Gay Man Watching A Football Game

Inside The Mind Of A Gay Man Watching A Football Game

Ever wanted to know what goes through a gay mans mind when watching a football game? Then check out this article!

The time is 3:30pm and I’m currently sprawled across my sofa nibbling on a chocolate finger. I reach over and turn my TV on ready to watch what is my first ever football game.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking; “You’ve never watched a football game Joey?!” 

Well, growing up let’s say I was more Barbie than balls. I’d have much rather stopped in and danced around to the Spice Girls’ music than run around on a muddy field chasing a random ball. No thanks. 

Unfortunately / fortunately for me my apartment is located right next to a pub. This means that those Saturday nights where I’m stumbling around, absolutely steaming, smelling of cheap beer and cigarettes all I need to do is literally go round the corner and BAM! I’m home! However like today, when there’s a sporting game on, it literally sounds like a massacre is happening outside from the cheers and screams of devoted football fans.


Nonetheless I’ve always been avid believer in the saying, “if you can’t beat em’ join em’!” And with it being a new year and everything I thought I’d actually sit and watch an entire football game! 

(Just realising now I am completely unsure of how long a football match is… 45 mins? Oh god what have I left myself in for) 

Scrolling through my Twitter feed I see a lot of support for Manchester United. Now having lived in Manchester for four years now they’re obviously the team I will be rooting for, unless Bournemouth have a cuter kit… we’ll find out. As I pour myself a drink a roar of cheering echoes outside from the pub. Ah, at least someone’s excited.


Oh okay, I think it’s on! 

Woop, nice little jingle at the start. Ok, oh they’re all in the locker room.

The presenter is saying all these names and I’m seeing all these – remarkably good looking – faces and I have no idea who anybody is?


Oh they’re walking out now woop.

Okay the whistle has just been blown, presumably the game is starting? Ok yes they are! Looking at the crowd they all look like ants all squashed together, there’s so many people. I mean, all this for a bloody ball? 

A lot of running is happening and I already feel exhausted.

Woo! Somebody scored! No idea who did it and for what team but at least that’s a score! Ok so red is Manchester United and black is Bournemouth. Ok got it!


Ok now theres some more running happening. A lot of going back and forth. A bit like every other millennial’s dating life to be honest.

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Oh wow, another goal. You go Glen Coco.

Ok it’s over! Wait, what? A second half? Are you having a laugh? This is so long

You know, watching all these players run around you can’t deny that their kits are pretty cute. I’m digging the whole socks and shorts vibe. If the winner of this match is decisive on looks then Manchester United are definitely gonna win. Loving the deep red colour of the kit.

Oooo! The crowd goes wild like a pack of feral wildlife as a very-attractive-man kicks the ball into the goal yet I’m just sat here like:


Oops. Somebody just fell over, shame. 

Ok (finally) the match is over and Manchester United have won!

Well, I’m not gonna say I told you so but I did predict this would happen. Hi 5! 

As the credits play I can’t help but think that from watching the game and seeing the reaction from the fans, these football fans are definitely passionate! Like a group of rock music fans recklessly going wild in a mosh pit at a Foo Fighters concert. 

Now I may not be necessarily always tuning in for future football matches nor donning the latest albeit over-priced, very cute kits. However, it’s great to see a community come together all because of a similar interest even if that may be a random small ball. 


The match may be over, but from the cheering and screaming outside my apartment the enthusiasm and passion is still kicking about.

How do you feel watching football games? Are you consistently bored? Or do you get into it? Let us know in the comments!
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