Drag that comb back through one more time, maybe that will sort out that loose bit that won’t stay down. More wax required. Just a little. Don’t want to be looking like season 1 Ross. Definitely go with the new jumper; it shows off your new, edgy side. Roll up the sleeves so she can see the tattoo. That will send the message. Don’t forget to put on that new cologne, too. Or actually, maybe you should wear the one you used to wear when you were together; that would really drive her mental.
Or not. She probably isn’t even thinking about you right now. This is absurd. Why do you even care what your ex thinks? Is your heart beating extra fast because you have to see her and you don’t want to, or because this is the first time you’re seeing her in a while and you weirdly want her back? Or is it even worse than that, and you just want her to want you? If you’re totally honest with yourself, it’s that one. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself really. You’re not the first person in the history of relationships to want their ex to find them fit.
It’s been a while…
There’s no real reason you haven’t seen her, just that your lives took such different directions since you called it off. There’s going to be plenty of people there tonight who you haven’t seen in 4 years. Not that you’ve made much of an effort to see each other but it’s definitely understandable, considering how it ended. The trouble is the rest of them haven’t seen you naked and didn’t break your heart so that they could date some rich kid who went to a prep school. Remember how vindictively satisfied you were when you found out he broke up with her? Thinking about it now doesn’t really bring you any joy, but it was a useful way of getting over her.
A lot of fuss over nothing
Your ex looks amazing. It was inevitable really, you putting all this effort in for her to think you look good and she’s the one who looks like a movie star. She looks like she’s lost some weight and put it back on in all the right places. She’s wearing edgy clothes, certainly edgier than yours, and do you spy not one, but TWO tattoos? That hardly seems fair. Going through the pain of one was enough, and she went for two?
A half-hearted hug and a 5-minute conversation later and it’s all over. It wasn’t half as bad as you were expecting. Were you even listening to what she said when she was telling you about her new career path in blah blah marketing for blah blah over in blah? Probably not. Your ex probably wasn’t listening when you were telling her about the exciting stuff your band has been up to, but she pretended to be and that’s close enough.
Never forgetting those good times
In many ways, there’s something beautiful in being so worried about seeing your ex because it all stems from some pretty wonderful memories. 4 years is enough time for the scars to heal and the perspective to set in. Thinking about those nights sat up talking about your families, that trip to Paris, that time you saw Eminem live together, none of it tainted by recent pain. Seeing her actually reminded you of those good parts away from the bad. It’s made it all so much better. Some sort of final closure.