Becoming celibate is a choice; not an easy choice may I add because we all have needs. Let’s be honest here… Most of us have sex, most of us enjoy sex and well, it’s a great way to relieve stress isn’t it? There is nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual appetite. However, what I want to address is why most of us haven’t always taken the time to thoroughly consider who we want to share our intimate selves with.
Which brings me to question if we really appreciate the symbol of sex and how it can affect you after you’ve done the deed? Today, I am going to talk about my experience of choosing a year of celibacy that came from some very bad decisions and situations that left me self-doubtful and with low self-esteem.
Why I Went Celibate
Celibacy isn’t for everyone but I thought it’d be a great way to re-connect with myself and find out what I want from a relationship or even just a sexual partner because there’s nothing bad about wanting a little no-strings-attached bit of fun.
So, where did this all start you may be asking? Well, I was at university and even though I was newly independent and could potentially do whatever I wanted sex was never something I purposely went out of my way to find. “Pulling” is a term used by most students who set out to find casual sex whilst they’re at their social or local club and although I dabbled with it, I was never too interested in one night stands.
Maybe this is due to the painfully awkward morning after where you try and think of any excuse to leave or if you didn’t want to wait until the morning so you sneak out after you do your business and you get caught and come up with some pathetic excuse because you know you never really want to see them again.
My Past Relationships
Anyway, where was I? So, flings were a rarity for me. I then found myself in a couple of relationships where my partners didn’t treat me as I’d have hoped, I got cheated on by both and it just made me realise how much someone can affect how you see yourself. I wouldn’t say I was overly confident before these betrayals but I didn’t feel ashamed or not good enough until after those incidents.
So, I decide to take some time out of dating because there was no way in hell I’d let some idiot crush me again and I knew that I really needed to start concentrating on my studies without any distractions… In other words guys. Celibacy was just a term I had heard of a few times and I just thought what better way than to focus on self-love and to sway my attention from meeting somebody who in my head, could potentially hurt me again.
What I Did During My Year Of Celibacy
During this year off of any sexual contact… Although I tended to window shop and I did find out a lot about my own body which I classed as “research” I really did focus on myself, I had goals set on my grades at uni and I really found appreciation for the close circle of friends and family around me.
I didn’t have anyone to answer to, I just did whatever made me happy and at the end of the year, I realised that taking time out to love myself before I let anybody else’s love determine my happiness was the best decision I made because I realised my self worth.
I can’t say I hadn’t been tempted during this entire year I was celibate and who am I kidding… My lips may have came into contact with someone else’s but that was as far as I went with anyone and it’s almost like I had a refresh of my pellet, I was starting over again and I knew that if I was to ever get into a relationship again I’d take my time and let them get to know the true me so that I knew if love came into it, it would be for the right reasons.
How I Feel Today
It’s now years on and I am currently in a two year relationship that has really proven to me that taking time out for myself meant I was ready to embark on something special and overall, has made our foundation stronger so it really is the truest love I have ever known. And as far as I’m concerned, I really am happy.