Dating can be complicated and confusing. From not being sure about what you’re really looking for, to navigating online dating apps and connecting with a whole bunch of different people for the first time – it’s okay to be a little lost! I am in no way an expert when it comes to dating, but when I’m worried or unsure about something I tend to always turn to my friends for help. So here we go – this is some of the dating advice my male friends gave me.
Take your time and get to know the real them
I don’t think dating is as complicated as everyone thinks it is. In my opinion, one of the most important things to do it analyze the person you’re on a date with, trying to keep feelings out of it. Just focus on compatibility first!
I know that’s easier said than done, but I think people’s biggest mistake in dating is to make sacrifices far too early on for what ‘could be’, instead of taking more time to figure out whether the person is actually right for them in the first place.
The dating scene, in general, is a place where people can escape from their realities. You can often meet someone who is acting the way they wish to be, but in reality, that’s not who they are. Take some time to get to know the real them – for your own benefit and theirs!
In terms of the first date – I think something like a movie is a terrible idea! You’ve got to get talking and get to know someone. I’d say go do something rogue! – like mini golf or something, just enjoy it and be yourself.
Don’t sh*t where you eat? As crass as that sounds, I’d stick to it for a number of reasons! The amount of drama you can avoid by intentionally staying away from a dating situation where there are too many friends and things in common… There are positives, but I think it puts a lot of undue pressure when it’s not needed.
One piece of advice that I think is really important to keep in mind is to not settle. It’s not a ‘bad’ thing to have a very clear idea of what you want and need and I think it’s all too easy to lose hope and waver in one’s confidence, thinking we’re being too harsh in our choices.
Don’t set the bar too high on a first date
If you feel a spark, and if it’s reasonable to do something about it, then definitely pursue it! And if there isn’t a spark? Drop it like a stone. If you don’t get butterflies when you think about seeing them again, if you’re not in awe of who and what they are, and what they do, drop it. Love like that exists and there’s no reason to settle for less!
I don’t think you should go all out on the first date – set’s the bar too high. Coffee or a chill walk is more than okay, and it the person is right, things will feel exciting without the addition of a fancy meal or some weird exotic activity.
If you aren’t compatible socially, things can be really uncomfortable
I think it’s important to date someone you can see yourself being friends with, someone that will also like and get on with your friends.
Look for someone who you have mutual interests with but not identical interests, you want to have some things in common but when the time comes still have your space. If they are willing to try new things too that’s good! But make sure that they will also be respectful of boundaries.
If they have similar responses to social situations that’s a good sign. Like, at a party, can you both have a good time or are you simply just being there because you feel you should? This is more crucial, in my opinion, than people think. If you aren’t compatible socially, things can be really uncomfortable for one or both of you.
I think on a first date you should always offer to pick up the check, as a guy, but the girl also shouldn’t expect you to. If the girl doesn’t even offer or make some move to suggest paying herself or even splitting, as that’s great too, then it’s kinda presumptuous and not very nice.