There is no excuse for cheating. Period. But this doesn’t stop people from doing it: if it hasn’t happened to you during your lifetime so far (not to sound pessimistic), then you will know someone it has happened to. When you get into a relationship you fall for that person head over hills and give your all to them, so when you find out that they have cheated on you, it feels like the ground has given away below you and that you won’t be able to trust anyone ever again. Although it might not feel like it right away after when everything is still raw, you will get over it and when you next get into a relationship, you will realise how beautiful love can be when it is with someone genuine. Below are a few steps on how to pick yourself up after a breakup with someone who has cheated on you.
1. Don’t blame yourself.
So you have just found out you have been cheated on and your initial reaction is to blame yourself; you might feel like it is your fault that your partner felt the need to look elsewhere, like you couldn’t give them what they want. But banish these negative thoughts, they are dangerous and will only drag you down. You need to remember that you are the victim in the situation and it is your ex is the one to blame- they was the coward who didn’t have the guts to break up with you as soon as they were tempted to look elsewhere.
2. Don’t do anything rash or impulsive.
After finding out you have been cheated on, a tsunami of emotions will rush over you – one of the main ones being anger. You will inevitably have a thousand and one questions bubbling up inside of you and be filled with a burning desire for answers. You might also be rethinking your whole relationship and trying to suss out when your partner might have cheated. Stop. This is the worse thing you can do. Pause a minute instead and take deep breaths. There is no way you can reverse the event or be ‘uncheated’ on. Acceptance is an essential procedure for how to pick yourself up after a breakup. You need to do all of this before you try and confront your partner and if you go at them all guns blazing, they are more likely to be unresponsive. It will freak them out more if you are calm and collected – you will come out the winner and with your dignity intact. You also don’t want people thinking you were the crazy one in the relationship so its probably best not to start cutting up all your ex’s clothes in your wardrobe as tempting as this may be!
3. Surround yourself with people you trust.
After you have been cheated on you might feel like the whole world is against you and that everybody is your enemy. You are wrong. Now is not the time to push people away, but to pull them even closer. Lean on family members and friends for support as they will be the stepping stones you need to climb higher and overcome your cheating ex. It is also important you talk to people instead of bottling things up – try to be in company as much as possible because when you are alone, you will dwell on everything and allow yourself to be overcome by negativity.
4. Try and be positive.
Okay I can hear you screaming at your computer as you read this but there is sense to what I’m about to say. When you first find out you have been cheated on, you will be feeling very low. Work through all of these negative feelings, don’t deny them and consider this option for how to pick yourself up after a breakup. Painful experiences such as your partner being unfaithful are a true test of your character and you will surprise yourself with how strong you can be when you come through the other side. At the same time, do not set yourself a time frame for when things will ‘feel better’, just take each day as it comes and set yourself small targets. Also think how much better off you are without your ex; although you won’t be able to help loving them for a while, they can’t increase how much you are hurting now you aren’t in a relationship with them. It might be a blessing in disguise.
5. Don’t neglect yourself.
One of the essential tips on how to pick yourself up after a breakup is to avoid neglecting yourself. It is so easy to allow the fact you have been cheated on to consume you. Of course you can’t avoid it, but don’t let that define you or allow other people to view you as a victim. You are strong. Don’t neglect yourself. Do all of the things you enjoy doing, whether this be reading a book or being pampered – your mental, physical and emotional health should be your priority now. Make sure you get plenty of sleep and eat and drink. Remember all the things you enjoyed doing before you were in a relationship and use the extra time you have to do those things again- rediscover what makes you happy.
5. Don’t paint everyone with the same brush.
As mentioned above, your trust will be shattered after you have been cheated on. But you must remember that your ex was one man out of millions. Take time out for yourself after your break up and learn how to be single again but don’t rule out dating in the future. When you do feel like you are ready to start dating again, do so at your own pace and explain to your new partner about your past and why this might explain your desire to take things slow. Your new partner will respect you even more for being honest and love you more for your strength and courage in letting them in.
These are just a few tips on how to pick yourself up after a breakup with someone who has cheated. Have any more tips? If so, answer in the comment section below.
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My name is Nicole Brownfield and I am 20 years old. I am studying English Literature and going into my 3rd and final year of Queen Mary University, London in September. I am currently the Editor-In-chief of my University magazine 'CUB' and my dream is to pursue a career in journalism after I graduate. I love living in London and am obsessed with sourcing out food and drink places, as well as exploring the parts of London I have never been to before. My boyfriend and I have recently turned pescatarian and this symbolises my goal to constantly keep bettering myself and to stay healthy and disciplined. Every day I try and achieve something as I want to look back and be proud of the life I have lived, and to make my family proud too.