Being stood up sucks. It’s painful and downright insulting. If it has happened to you or you feel like it might happen to you, then I’ve got some useful tips to help you cope.
Scenario one: You have a first date coming up in the evening, but you haven’t heard from them since you made plans. You send them a text asking if you’re still on for that night. As the hours slip by and there’s still no word from them you assume it’s a write-off. One to three days later you get a reply saying, “heyyyy sorry I fell asleep,” or something along those lines.
Scenario two: You make plans to go on a date and you’ve both confirmed it. You turn up at the venue and hang around anxiously waiting for them to appear but there’s no sign of them. You give them a text or a call but they don’t respond. After about half an hour of sitting there like a chump you leave. You never hear from them again. Ghosted.
Scenario three: Everything goes as planned and you’re nervously waiting for your date to arrive, but they’re late and you haven’t heard from them. You give them the benefit of the doubt but twenty minutes have gone by and they still haven’t shown up or sent you a message. You leave but that same evening or the next day you get a text apologising and asking if you still want to meet up.
How to try and avoid being stood up
In this world of dating apps and busy lives, communication is not always on form. Plans can be misconstrued or forgotten. To decrease the risk of being stood up, send them a text on the day of your date casually asking if you’re still on for that evening. If they don’t respond or they cancel then at least you haven’t wasted time getting ready.
If you’ve been waiting at the venue and there’s no sign of them after ten minutes it doesn’t hurt to give them a call. They could be stuck in traffic and unable to use their phone. They might be lost in the venue trying to find you, who knows? After fifteen minutes you can safely say that they’re deliberately being flaky and it’s time to leave.
It’s okay to be hurt
The bottom line is rejection is tough. You put yourself out there and they couldn’t be bothered to communicate honestly or show up. It’s okay to be upset or angry, but it’s important to remember that it’s not a reflection on you. Whatever made them stand you up is their problem to deal with. It’s hard but if it’s the first date then try to see the positives. Think about the amount of time and heartbreak they’ve saved you by showing you what they’re like now, rather than months or even years down the line. Honestly, they’ve done you a favour.
Your time is valuable so don’t be afraid to set yourself boundaries. You deserve to have someone show up on time or communicate with you if they’re running late. Set yourself a time limit and leave if they don’t appear. They might apologise and ask to meet up, but be honest with yourself and trust your gut. If they had a lame excuse, don’t be afraid to tell them it’s over because you don’t owe them anything. If they don’t respect you now then they never will.
Turn your night around
Just because you’ve been stood up it doesn’t mean you should have a miserable night. You’ve made all that effort to look nice so why not make the most of it? Call your friends and have a fun night out or maybe text a hookup buddy or flirt with someone new.
It’s also okay to feel like not involving yourself in any romantic engagements for a while. Being stood up can break your trust and make you more cautious. Practice self-care and do what you want. There’s no wrong way to deal with it.
Give them the benefit of the doubt if…
Life can get in the way of plans and there might be a very good reason why they couldn’t meet or text you. They could be delayed, have no signal, stuck at work or caught up in an emergency. If they’re truly sorry and willing to make it up to you then it’s worth giving them one more chance, but let them take the reins. Whatever the reason for them standing you up just remember it’s on them and it’s never your fault.