Wondering how to deal with anxiety in relationships? Well, as we all know being in a relationship can be tricky at times. Psychology has taught us that we replicate the childhood attachment we had to our parents in our adulthood relationships; if you felt pretty secure and self-assured as a child, chances are you’ll feel the same way in your romantic relationship with your partner. But even the most well-adjusted among us will experience at least some relationship anxiety from time to time. For example, in the beginning, Jerry used to sing you sweet songs to his girlfriend Anna every morning and massage her with calming oils every night. But then, after three seemingly happy years of together, the crooning and massaging comes to an abrupt end. Anna notices this, and at first doesn’t really mind, but after a week or so she becomes troubled. ‘Why oh why would he stop singing lovely songs and covering me in delicious oils?’ she wonders one night. Jerry’s working late; she’s home alone for the evening. Her mind races; she starts to pace around the room. Now she’s not even sure whether he still loves her any more, ‘Maybe he’s out massaging some other chick!’ she growls. HALT. Before Anna paces any further and gets herself in a fluff, she would be wise to read these handy hints on how to deal with anxiety in relationships. If you’re feeling how Anna does, maybe you should too.
It’s easy to ride the wave of emotion that floods in when something about your partner starts to worry you, but it’s important to remember that hiccups happen in all healthy relationships (that’s right, ALL) and it’s how you deal with them that determines how things will pan out. Take a deep breath and take some time to yourself; obsessing over something that’s worrying you rarely makes it better (Except a handsome gentleman’s face perhaps, ahoho). It’s important to stay rational if you’re going to try and fix a problem properly.
Ask yourself why exactly ‘X’ happening makes you anxious
Why does Derek leaving his pants all over the floor make you unsure about your future together? Is it simply your disdain for poor underwear storage or does it make you wonder how someone who apparently loves you so much could be so thoughtless. It’s crucial that we make links between actions and how we respond emotionally in order to deal with the real problem at hand. Try and figure out the underlying reason for your negative feelings so that you can bring it up with your partner. Which brings us along to…
Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
Wondering how to deal with anxiety in relationships? Communication is the most important part! Whether it’s verbal, physical, direct or indirect- your relationship’s success is determined by how effectively you communicate. However, effective communication isn’t about constantly texting or expressing every emotion you have. It’s about being honest, being direct, and being considerate. You have to remember that even if you and your partner are extremely close, you are still two entirely different people. The way you think, feel and see the world differs immensely; the offending party may not even have the slightest idea that they’re making you feel anxious or unhappy. So, If you have a concern, you should voice it, but not in a way that might initiate conflict. And that means…
Don’t pick a fight!
Unfortunately, when you’re feeling uncertain in a relationship and tensions are running high, you seriously run the risk of being mean as hell! It’s surprising how mean we can be to the people closest to us, but meanness can act as a defensive tactic that we can’t help but use when we feel vulnerable to rejection or pain. So remember, when wonder how to deal with anxiety in relationships – frustration makes you want to lash out, picking an argument or throwing an insult/brick will only serve to push your partner further away from you, which is not that you want when something’s you concerning already.
But do stand up for yourself
Don’t feel that your concerns don’t merit a serious conversation, even if it’s over something trivial. It’s always good to check in with your buddy-bae to see how your partnership is chugging along regardless of whether something’s really wrong or not. Also, if someone is genuinely treating you like shit, or making you feel small or unloved, you have every right to stand up for yourself and tell them how it is. Abusive partners can be awfully good at convincing you that your concerns are all in your head, so if you feel like you just don’t know what the hell’s going on, speak to a straight-talking friend for some perspective.
Ultimately though, be kind to yourself
I really hate to say it but, you do you boo (ugh, I’m so sorry). It’s enough to drive you nuts when you’re worried someone doesn’t feel the way they did about you anymore or that your relationship is completely doomed. But remember: You Gotsit. Going. On. Even if there is a problem, even if your husband/girlfriend/wife/cat wants to run out the door this instant, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. The seasons change, people change- and it’s important that we experience relationship breakdown for us to develop and grow as human people, for that is what we are.
So in times of relationship turmoil, remember to remain calm and composed. Be brave, honest and strong for you are a young warrior, and love is in your soul. Amen.
Do you feel you now know how to deal with anxiety in relationships? Let us know in the comment section below!
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