I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thrown a few parties in my time living at my college house. I’ve had the police called on me, tickets handed out, and a very unhappy landlord. That being said, I’ve also had some of the best nights of my life throwing parties that I thought for sure going to get out of hand. The art of throwing a rager is a delicate balancing act with many moving parts, but when done correctly can create the catalyst for a legendary night. I’m hoping that through this article you may avoid some of the pit falls I’ve fallen into throughout my time at college, and reap the rewards of knowing you were responsible for everyone having a good night.
You Just Moved In
So, you just moved into your first college house. You walk into an empty basement, or an old beaten up attic and you turn to your 5 other roommates and say “We’re going to burn this shit to the ground”. And I don’t blame you one bit. The first month of my first lease was a drunken blur that seems like a faded distant memory of a person I used to know. My living room after every Saturday night looked like a hungover refugee camp with people sprawled out over the floor and the very few pieces of furniture we owned. It was a simpler time, and in that first summer of inebriated stupidity I learned how to throw a party.
First things first, you’re going to need alcohol, and lots of it. Personally, if I’m the one supplying the house it’s on the other people to bring drinks. I’m gonna be posted with a 30 rack of Natty and Handle of Fireball for ME, and that’s it. Also, I would like to defend myself and say I no longer drink fireball, and if I’m buying beer now it’s going to be better than Natty. But at this time in my life I was a degenerate asshole who could have cared less what I put in my body, and if that’s you too, I respect that. With other people bringing their own drinks there are a few things that fall on the house to have. You need a pong table, at least 100 red solo cups, ping pong balls, and a speaker that can shake the foundation of the house. With these 4 components you have the bare minimum of entertainment needed to keep the proper atmosphere for your party.
Putting It All Together
You now have the ingredients to your party now it’s time to get this shit started. One very impotent component is who to invite. Not to sound like a pledge at some stupid frat on your campus, but it is important to have a good ratio of males to females. I’m no scientist, but I’ve been to both parties where it’s either 90% Guys or 90% Gals and they both suck. You want a diverse group of fun people to show up, so check who you’re inviting. And for the love of God do not over invite! Yes you want people to show up, but one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made was allowing girls to post my address on their Snapchat stories and having the student bodies of both UWM and Marquette show up at my front doorstep. If your house looks like the line outside the mall before Black Friday starts the police will be called. And when they do get called, the more people that are there the more tickets they are liable to hit you with.
The Door Guy
Which brings me to my next point that’s a rather essential role to any party, have a door guy. Nobody wants to be the door guy, if you’re working the door it means you’re not enjoying the party. You or one of your roommates are going to have to do it so either divide it into shifts, or smoke out whoever is working the door. Without the door guy parties divulge into chaos. It leads to lines outside your house, Random groups of people start walking into your house,or the worst case scenario cops just walking into your house. Not Ideal.
While I’m on precautions for the party, it really should go without saying, but lock your rooms. I don’t know how to put this nicely, but people be stealing. I’m sure you got a great group of friends, and I’m sure the friends they brought with them are great too. But here’s a thought, what if they aren’t? Don’t risk getting your TV stolen, lock your room up. Going along with this, take out all valuable items out of your common areas and lock that up as well. In fact I go as far as locking my fridge. People are assholes and they will take your stuff when given the opportunity, so don’t let them.
And there you have it. That’s the advice I could think of. I think there’s probably some details I’m leaving out, but a big part of throwing parties is making mistakes and learning from them. If there was ever a time to be a degenerate piece of shit that offers nothing to society now is the time. I encourage everyone in a college house to live it up and really make the most of the time that you have, because it does all come to and end. As a senior looking back it’s a bittersweet topic to think about. I’ve grown out of the person I was, but I don’t regret being that person. The main goal of throwing a party should be to have fun and make the other people there have fun, and I think there’s something noble in that. If you’re worried about the music being too loud, or the police showing up and shutting you down, don’t throw, you’re not cut out for the lifestyle. To those of you that are cut out for this life just remember; It’s your first college house, and only assholes get their security deposit back.
If you liked the article drop me a comment. What was your best college party moment?
Source Image: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.stanforddaily.com%2F2017%2F11%2F16%2Fanimal-house-or-what-college-is-really-like%2F&psig=AOvVaw3zU8VW1glQIW-LMdy-f2Fd&ust=1584045775131000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCOirscCkk-gCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAQ
Jackson Wiberg is a student, comedian, and podcast personality. He currently attends school at the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee where he is pursuing his bachelors degree in communication. He's toured his stand up routine around the midwest and when he's not working likes spending time with his family and friends. You can follow Jackson on his social media: @jackson_wiberg on all social media platforms, and you can listen to his podcast The Blockbuster Boys podcast, the number 1 rated college comedy podcast in the world, on Apple podcasts and Spotify.