When it comes to a breakup, their are a heap of challenges to mentally overcome along wit. Every deals with emotions in different ways, but it important to confront your feelings and to feel your feelings. Letting go of a person does not mean letting go of yourself. Here are a few tips that will help you let go and focus on your own mental wellness.
When emotions are high, distinguishing your feelings becomes overwhelming and incredibly difficult. Reflection allows for you to assess why you are feeling the way to that you are. Everyone is different when it comes to the way to self-reflect. Some effective ways to self-reflect is through writing, talking to yourself, talking to a trusted person, or going on a walk. If you don’t know which is the best way for you to self-reflect, this is a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. Try something new. Grow from this! If you choose to self-reflect by talking to a trusted person, be sure to let them know before that you wish for them not to respond to you. This is a way to sort out your feelings. Ask yourself simple questions: what do I feel? What made me feel like this? How did I respond to these feelings? This is an important first step to moving on!
2) Feel The Feelings
Allow yourself to feel! This might seem like an obvious one, but people often confuse ‘moving-on’ with ignoring emotions. It’s okay to be emotional and to be upset. Part of healing from an emotional obstacle is to fully feel your feelings. This will give you the reaction and closure that your body needs to move on. When people suppress their feelings, they might feel better for a moments but that unresolved feeling will stir in your body and slowly hurt you mentally in the end. Numbing yourself to emotion is never a good option when it comes to breakups. Feel the feelings! Let it out!
3) Physical Distance
Create physical distance from the person that you’ve broken up with. This distance is good because it gives you time to live your life unattached from the other. This does not mean detach from all people, however. Draw near to your people during your breakup. If the person you broke up with shares your people, then make sure you still spend time with them away from the person you broke up with. Physical distance away will give you time to begin a routine of life with out another person. Go another way. Visit new places. Change up your routine that involved the other person.
4) Be Present
Sometimes during breakups people hang on tightly to past experiences and futures plans and this is not very productive in moving on from a breakup. Instead practice mindfulness and be present in the now. This means only worrying about the next right thing in the present. How can you be the best version of you right in this moment? What in this moment makes you grateful? Stay active in the present moment to create new memories to look upon fondly.
5) Be Gentle To Yourself
You are not perfect, but you are worthy of love. Be graceful with yourself and love who you are. You may not get it right all the time, and that is okay. Breakups can make you feel a whole bunch of feelings. Make sure that you still make sure you love who you are. And if you have a hard time finding love for yourself, that is okay too. Give yourself grace, but don’t give up on who you are. Resort back to #1 and self-reflect on these feelings. Instead of self-criticisum, how can you show yourself kindness and compassion?
6) You’re Only In Control Of You
Accept that the other person may not have responded in the way that you would have wanted. Their response is not your responsibility. You do not need to wait around for the other person to respond in the way that you have liked. Respond to the breakup in a respectful and confident way, and leave it at that. You are only in control of your own reactions and responses.
This one is extremely important and so helpful! After breakup, it’s time to check-in with yourself. Self-care can take a bunch of different forms depending on who you are as a person. If you are unsure of what exactly you would need for self-care, then this is a perfect way to use this experience to learn more about yourself! Do you need to spend a day on the water? Do you need to read a good book? Do you need to get a haircut? Do you need to spend a day with your people? Focusing on self-care is like hitting the reset button. It should relax you and make you feel human and whole. Be sure not to confuse self-care with unhealthy practices. If something feels good in the moment, but then leaves you feeling crappy, then it is not self-care and leads to unhealthy habits.
8) Talk About It
Give yourself the permission to talk about it. You don’t need to shout that you broke up to the world, but give yourself the grace to talk about it. The more you talk about it, as hard as it can be, the easier talking about it becomes. Speak to a trusted person about it. Talk to a random stranger about it. Talk to your pet about it (they have to listen). Though it is not fun to discuss, you are not bothering people with it.
Forgiveness feel so damn good. Forgiveness can take many forms, but it is so freeing. Saying that you forgive and actually forgiving are two different things. What will it take for you to forgive? Ask this question when you are self-reflecting. Then proceed to do it.
10) Seek Help
Though these tips are easy to read, we recognize that they are harder to do. Seek professional help to guide you through this. Professional help has this major stigma that it is for broken people and that is so not it. Professional help is for everyone and anyone. You can’t do things alone.
Breakups suck and are straight-up hard to deal with. Emotional obstacles may seem impossible to overcomes but there are ways to learn about yourself and to grow too. Focus on you and your mental-health to come out of this experience stronger. Let us know what tip helped you in a breakup in the comments below.
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Julia grew up in a town just outside of Chicago. She currently lives in Memphis, Tennessee where she is a junior Creative Writing and Literature major at Rhodes College. Julia prefers to spend her days outside writing stories for others to find joy in. Other than story-telling, you will find Julia running on her college track and field team and traveling the world.