Before I come at you like a problematic Carrie Bradshaw, I first like to make a clear statement, which is- do not wait around for someone else to make you feel valuable, and if that means getting a text from a certain someone, then put the phone down, put on a fierce outfit, look in the mirror, smile, then go have the day you were meant to have that isn’t dependent on anyone else but yourself. With that being said there is an unspoken rule of dating, and sadly that means there are certain dos and don’ts when it comes to securing a romantic partner. But the good thing about rules is they are meant to be broken, at least in rom-coms they are, so take my advice or don’t. But may I remind you we live IRL. So without further ado here are my 10 tips to get a guy to always text you back.
1. Never Be Too Accessible
Don’t undervalue yourself. Don’t be complacent, but be content in your singlehood this communicates that you are satisfied and fulfilled, and enjoy what you already have. So don’t be needy and desperate to give up all your friends, family, and hobbies as soon as you meet a new romantic prospect. So if the person you want to start dating texts you, don’t be too accessible to them, at least at first. Until you are in a serious relationship don’t be too available because then the person will lose interest. Don’t give them all your time and attention early on, be a challenge, and that way you will maintain their interest. Also if you’re too available the person loses the threat of losing you, but if you’re not always accessible to them, they will keep finding ways to keep you.
2. Do Not Dominate Contact
Do not always initiate contact with the person you’re pursuing. If you find yourself always texting first then you are playing the ugly game of chase them. If you’re asking why can’t I just text someone I like, or keep in touch with them. That’s fine, but people value something they have to work for, so if you’re always showing an interest first, you’re robbing this person of the space to miss you, or pursue you. Also more importantly it threatens your peace of mind because if you’re always blowing up their phone first, you won’t be able to know the difference between someone wanting you, and someone wanting something from you. Instead if you wait to let them text you first, you’ll be able to gage how bad they want you, while retaining your emotional stability.
3. Prioritize Phone Calls Over Texting
You can tell someone’s level of interest by their method of communication, and if a relationship deepens over time, the primary method of communication should move from texting to the person picking up the phone, and calling you like an adult to make concrete plans. Sure- texting at first is fine, in fact it might even be preferred, but if you want a guy to take you seriously you must get them to pick up the phone, and call you. Text message is a player’s best weapon, it allows them to communicate casually, and with multiple people at once. And a player will do whatever they can to avoid phone calls. You can screen against such people by getting them to make the extra effort to call you, and make plans with you, or even just to hear about your day. Texting is okay early on, but once things get rolling, he should be getting on the phone to get to know you, and texting should be used sporadically. Have him communicate with you again like an adult does. You can even be firm and flirty in your approach to encourage him to pick up the phone, but if he still doesn’t get it- thank you, next.
4. Don’t Be A Flake
Be a person of your word because that person is reliable. High quality people do not want to court someone who goes back on their word. Especially when the person you’re interest in dating has a high level of respect for themselves and others. Flake behavior communicates you’re unreliable, and simply can’t be counted on in any capacity, that includes dating. Trust is one of the most important qualities in a relationship, and you can build trust by following through on things you say. So like I said don’t be too accessible, but if you have plans to meet someone at a certain time don’t shoot them a text two minutes beforehand to cancel, or if you say you will text this person at a certain time do so. This builds trust, and communicates you are an honest person with integrity.
5. Do Not Keep Texting Them If Their Interest Waivers
Never risk your self-respect by forcing someone to take an interest in you. It’s better to disregard someone who’s interest begins to fade for you than lose your dignity, and sanity fighting for their attention. Do not fight, protest, or nag a person who becomes less interested in you because it will affect your self-esteem. Instead keep your dignity, and stop entertaining their half hearted communication attempts. Personally, I recommend cutting off all communication with said person, and prioritize the suitors in your life who do put in the effort to be with you.
6. Be Vulnerable
If a person shows sincere interest in you, be willing to show them your vulnerable side as the relationship progresses. A vulnerable feminine spirit has the capacity to melt any suitor’s heart, therefore it is hard to form a deep emotional connection with someone if you refuse to be vulnerable with them. Bare your soul when the timing is right. Being vulnerable takes courage, but the reality is without an intimate emotional connection the person you are pursuing will lose interest, no matter how great you are on the outside. Therefore you need to get vulnerable with partners who prove themselves trustworthy, and worth your attention. Also if the person you’re pursuing can stand firm when your emotions flow over them, then they are worth your time.
7. Do Not Confuse A Great Guy With The Right Guy
Do not confuse a great guy with the right guy, many women make the mistake of trying to find “Mr. Right,” but this is a flaw way of thinking. People put so much attention on the rightness of the person they are dating, when really they should be concerned about the rightness of the relationship. For example, the person you are involved with romantically might have all the qualities you want in a partner, rich, smoke show, funny, etc. but if they aren’t willing to take things to the next level with you, then they are not the right person for you. Like if you’re hanging out with someone, but they won’t date you, or if you’ve been dating someone for years, but they won’t marry you, you might try to justify this behavior because this person has all the qualities you want in a man, but that is how a women becomes stagnant in her relationships. Mr. Right is also Mr. Compatible, so if you want to avoid heartbreak make commitment one of your top priorities in a partner. A lot of people especially men won’t commit because the time isn’t right for them, so if that is the case just move on.
8. Be Stingy With Your Devotion
A big mistake you can make early on in a relationship is by acting overly devotional to a new partner, especially when this partner doesn’t deserve it. People who give their all to the people they date, usually end up unhappy. When you begin to act exclusively devotional to a new partner, who doesn’t replicate that same kind of devotion back to you, it comes off as desperate, and needy. Which is a red flag, and a quick way to sabotage a new relationship before you are even dating.
9. Set Your Boundaries Then Keep Them
Set your standards high, assert yourself, and defend your personal boundaries with the people you date. Relationship like minded people want someone who has their own standards, and defends their own personal boundary. Nobody’s dream person is a doormat, unless they are looking to take advantage of you. A person with weak boundaries is an easy target for manipulative and self-seeking men. So don’t let people walk all over you, women usually assume if they are nice and accommodating their partner will be that way back when that is not the case, which usually leads to resentment. A sure fire way for someone to lose interest in you is if your actions show how little you value your own needs and wants.
10. Never Sacrifice Your Deepest Passions In Life
Never sacrifice your deepest passions in life just to keep someone interested in you. Just because you think someone is great, never settle or sell yourself short to secure a relationship. Men don’t want a woman who would give up everything for them anyway. Plus your personal dignity is more important than any relationship status. Trying to mimic a man’s ideals is not only unattractive, but undignified, and speaks volumes about how little you value everything in your own life that is personal to you. A women shouldn’t have to change herself to keep a man, especially the things that are very important to her.
Finally, here is the trump rule of not just dating, but life- no matter what or who you do in your life, just make sure you’re happy. And that your happiness isn’t dependent on whether someone is going to let you be you, and that’s on periodt.
writer, filmmaker, and hipster overlord