Knowing how to flirt is tricky, but according to characters in films its the easiest thing ever to pick a girl up. So what’s their secret? How do they do it? Apart from it being scripted.
From watching an extensive amount of rom-coms and other genres, I have found a pattern of 3 behaviour types that always brings success for the male or female. As well as 3 generic tips for both genders. First, tips on how a male should flirt.
1. Get them to talk about themselves
This is the age-old tip, always get the girl talking about herself and don’t go overboard on talking about yourself. The girl is more interested in talking than she is listening.
Ask questions about her life, job, friends, family, etc. Anything that will reveal more about herself. The more you act interested in everything she has to say the more positively she’ll react to you. So you can’t just sit there and let her talk, engage and listen. Ask follow up questions, give your opinion every now and again. Show that you are paying attention.
2. Be prepared
A guy always does best on a date when he is prepared. Knowing how to flirt isn’t just about telling them they look pretty that night, or making sexual innuendoes. It’s having a plan for the evening, knowing how to make the evening flow effortlessly so the woman never has to worry about what to do next.
Pick her up for dinner, have questions planned to get some topics flowing. Have a plan for after dinner so if it’s going well, it doesn’t have to end after dessert. Chose a restaurant in a scenic area, perhaps with a park close by so that you can walk around after. She’ll be grateful to let the food settle a bit.
Have more questions that are fun, not just asking about family or her job, have random questions. Would you rather be an eagle or a shark? Questions that get an interested response.
A great date will feel effortless, but that’s because there was preparation beforehand.
3. Be more attentive
What Women Want reveals that an egotistical, self-centred man will never get the girl. Or at least have a successful relationship with one. Once Mel Gibson started to hear women’s thoughts, he learnt how to be more attentive, more caring.
Women don’t want some suave guy swanning in thinking they own the joint. We want the guy that cares about the things you have to say and will notice the little things. Tell her that she looks gorgeous and that you appreciate the effort she has gone into to look good for your date.
Tell her things with meaning and body, if she asks did you enjoy the evening, pick a moment that shows you were paying attention. Don’t be vague, give as much detail as possible.
E.g. Yes, I loved when we were walking through the park together on the way here. The way you lit up when that dog walked past us was utterly adorable, it was the most beautiful smile I’ve seen. So pure.
We’ve all seen the typical girl flirt in movies, playing with their hair, laughing at all his jokes and playing dumb. But so many films show that that type of behaviour doesn’t work; if you want to flirt, flirt as a strong woman.
Show that you are intelligent and independent. It’s a big turn on to know that a girl can stand on her own two feet and can hold a conversation. House Bunny and Legally Blonde show that the blonde, ditzy girl that focuses on her looks is great when you’re trying to flirt with a player.
But when you looking for a more serious, long-term relationship, showing that you are smart and independent is a bigger turn on.
2. Say no
If you want to say yes then go for it, it’s your prerogative how you want to progress. But I am basing this off the women in the films, and when a girl holds out she ups her flirting game by an extra level.
Making the guy work for it is sexy. For you and for him. He has to up his flirt-game and you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Watch as the boat is pushed out that bit further each time as you play hard to get. If he’s interested he’ll keep trying, and what’s sexier than a man who tries?
Keep going on dates and enjoying your time, just with-hold sex for a while. According to Think Like A Man, there should be a 90-day probation period, where you keep the cookie in the cookie jar. Other films say 30 days, even 3 dates. Chose the time period that suits you.
So how to flirt by woman’s standards is by saying no. Tease as much as you like but leave him wanting more.
3. Be yourself
So many women in the films, when they go on a date change who they are to who they think they should be. Who they think the guy wants them to be.
If you’ve ever seen What’s Your Number then you will know that Anna Farris went back to all her exes and you saw how she acted differently for each man. The guy she ended up with is the only one where she behaved like herself the entire time.
To flirt is to be yourself. Even if that’s an awkward style of flirting, it’s still you and if you want a successful relationship then you need them to like you as you. So dress how you like, talk about the topics you love and let yourself be free. If he’s into it then great, if not then you haven’t lost out on anything.
Find the person who loves you for you.
This is the one tip everyone gives you on how to flirt, but there is a reason everyone tells you to go in with confidence. It’s needed! If you want to impress him/her, then act like you are impressing.
Know your worth in the room. Know that you are amazing and he/she is lucky to be there with you. So flaunt yourself, sell yourself, show them how great you are. Your date doesn’t want to have to big you up to themselves.
But also don’t go overboard, don’t sell yourself as god’s gift to earth. Approach the date with confidence, not an ego.
2. Dress to impress
Confidence comes with dressing the part. And you want to look sexy to your date, as well as to yourself. So dress to impress. Flirting isn’t just in how you talk or your body language, it’s how you dress.
If you dress just that bit provocatively then their imagination will be racing all night, your dress can be doing the flirting for you without you even having to think about it.
No one is going to be impressed if you turn up on your date in joggers or a sweatshirt, make the effort to look nice.
Put on that amazing perfume or cologne to get them obsessed with being close to you. It’ll get you one step closer to that kiss if you smell great and look great.
3. Be supportive
When you’re both talking you’ll be revealing stuff about yourselves, sometimes it’ll be your dreams and goals in life. Or it could just be tasks you have planned for the week ahead. As a date, and if you want to flirt successfully, be supportive to those dreams.
No mocking. No brushing them aside. Show them that you take them seriously in what they want from life, and if possible show them that you could help them. Even if it’s just being that encouraging voice in the background that always believes they can do it.
It’ll make you a better date and one they’ll want to keep around.