It’s so easy to lose yourself in a relationship and then when it’s over you don’t know what to do with yourself. It seems as if you’ll never be able to get over them and move on with your life. This is something I still struggle with IRL and I will continue to keep working on it. However, these are some tips for moving on that are really helpful.
1. They aren’t the person for you.
I think it’s hard to move on when you keep thinking that they were “the one” for you and you won’t find a relationship like that with anyone else. It’s important to remind yourself that you broke up for a reason no matter who did the breaking up. If they were really your person, they wouldn’t have left you. In my past relationship, I really thought he was the guy that I would be with forever and we always talked about the future. However, he hurt me so bad and left me so heartbroken, I started to realize that if he was really my person, he wouldn’t have hurt me the way he did. Once you accept that they aren’t the right fit for you, it’s easier to look forward and see a future without them in it.
2. Stop all contact with them.
This could include blocking their number and not talking to them in any form. Trust me, I know how hard it is to go from talking and seeing someone every day to becoming strangers, but it needs to be done for you to move on. Stopping contact with them will make you less upset and allow you to process your emotions from a distance. If you keep texting or calling them, you’re just going to keep bringing up past emotions and you’ll feel worse about it.
3. Stop checking their social media.
This is so important nowadays because some people literally post what they do all the time. So block their Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, Venmo (LOL), and any other form of social media they have. Every time I look at my ex’s social media, I end up feeling 10x worse, and then it gives me an even greater urge to reach out. Thus, stop the temptation altogether and block them! If you catch yourself wanting to look on their page, go outside, read a book, or do anything that will take your mind away from your ex.
4. Talk about how you’re feeling with your family and friends.
Even if you don’t feel like talking about, you need to open up to your close friends and family about what you are going through that way you can feel supported. After a breakup, it’s so easy to isolate and feel super alone. But most likely your friends want to be there for you so reach out to them and let them know what’s going on.
5. Let yourself feel any emotion that comes up.
Some days it’s going to hurt more than others so let yourself feel the emotions that are brought up. If you bottle up everything, it’s most likely to come up later on so you might as well just let yourself feel it before it becomes more intense. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of your emotions. If one day you’re doing great and then something triggers a thought of him, cry it out or do whatever you need to do to let that emotion pass. Accept that you are going to feel hurt and sadness for a while and you shouldn’t be ashamed of that because it is completely normal!
6. Forgive them and yourself.
One major part of moving on is forgiving the other person for how they wronged you. This is going to take some time because they could have really hurt you, but it’s going to help you heal. You don’t need to tell them explicitly that you forgive them, but maybe just say it to yourself or write it down in a journal. However, remember to forgive yourself too. If you keep blaming yourself for the relationship ending, you’ll keep beating yourself up which isn’t healthy. Forgive yourself for anything that you may have done, but realize that it isn’t all your fault that it ended.
7. Do the things you love.
Doing things that you love to do will help you feel better and feel like you really can live your life without your ex. Any activity you like to do to get you excited is the perfect way to stop overthinking and just get out of your head! Hopefully, the activity you choose will make you happy and relaxed.
If exercising isn’t part of things that you love to do, it is still a great way to get your body moving and feeling good. Whether you choose to go for a walk, bike ride, run, do yoga, or any other form of exercise, your mind and body will thank you tremendously! Exercise is literally proven to boost your mood and make you feel better so do it!
9. Don’t immediately jump into a new relationship.
Going on dates and talking to other people is one thing, but actually going into a serious relationship right after you just got out of one isn’t healthy. You need to process what went wrong in your past relationship and focus on your needs and loving yourself before you start a new relationship. I hear so many girls saying that their ex-boyfriend’s always moved on so quickly. Truthfully, when guys do this, they are actually doing a disadvantage to themselves and are more likely to end up with another failed relationship. So even if it seems like he’s moving on so fast, just focus on you and making yourself happy which will ultimately lead to more success in your future!
10. Box up the letters, photos, and any remnants you have of them.
It’s hard to look at photos and read letters of someone who once meant so much to you. However, if you keep looking at these things it will only make you more upset and reminiscent of the past. To truly let go you need to take anything that reminds you of them and put it in a box out of your sight.
11. Realize that you will find love again with someone else.
You are worthy of love! Just because it didn’t work out with one person doesn’t mean you won’t ever fall in love again. Of course, it’s not going to be the same, no relationship is, but it will be even better! It may not happen right away, but it will eventually just trust that things will fall into place the way they are supposed to be.
12. Write him a goodbye letter that you’ll never send.
This is a great idea especially if you really want to reach out to him. Write down everything you would want to say to him and then just say “goodbye.” You’ll still be getting your feelings out onto paper, except he never has to see it.
13. Explore new passions and adventures.
Have you always wanted to try something new? Well, now is the time to! In a relationship, you most likely spent all of your time with your ex, but now you have so much more free time to go out and explore new things! So go check out that hiking trail you always wanted to try or do something outside your comfort zone like skydiving or rock climbing!
14. Stop avoiding the places that remind you of your ex.
Not going to lie I’m guilty of this and anytime I’m near my ex’s place, I panic and want to leave. However, you can’t avoid going places just because they may remind you of your ex. Confront your fears and just do what you wish; they shouldn’t have so much power over your life.
15. Discover what you really want in a new partner and realize that you deserve better!
Maybe make a list of all the qualities you want your next partner to have. You deserve someone better than your ex and you will find that!
Everyone moves on at their own pace so don’t worry about other people’s experiences and focus on your own process of moving on. It can be challenging at times but you are strong enough to move on and you’ll come out on the other side an even better person than you were before!
Were any of these tips helpful for you? Let us know in the comments below!
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Caitlyn is a third-year student at UCLA. She is majoring in English. She enjoys writing, and going to hot yoga classes and, of course, binge-watching Netflix. At UCLA, Caitlyn is a feature writer for HER Campus, part of the American Cancer Society club, and a member of Alpha Gamma Delta.