The best thing to do after a rough breakup is to go no contact. Keep your distance. Don’t remain friends. Trust yourself. Learn yourself. Rebuild yourself.
This can be so so hard when all you want is the other person, particularly if you’ve left an abusive relationship and are finding yourself with what’s called trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change. (I didn’t know that until I dealt with it myself. So there you go.)
Here are ten no contact tips from a domestic abuse survivor who’s working hard to stay No Contact with her abuser.
Block, Block, BLOCK.
THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL NO CONTACT TIPS.
Delete them on every social media account you have. Once you’ve deleted them as friends, block them. We’re talking Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat, email, EVERY SINGLE THING. Don’t leave them anywhere to get through to you.
Don’t just block them. Block their family members and any friends of theirs that you had as well. Keeping these people will only allow him to keep an eye on you via their pages. Chances are, if he’s good enough, they’ll do it without realizing it.
Delete Their Number
Delete their number from your phone and your Google account. Then block that as well. Again, don’t allow them anyway to get through to you. If you’re serious about going no contact, you need to make sure there is no way for them to slip through and try to talk you back.
If you have the numbers of their friends and family on your phone as well, delete those, too. That way, you won’t be tempted to contact them and inquire about your ex.
File For An Order For Protection
This is one of the no contact tips that is really only if you’ve broken up with someone dangerous. If you believe they may try to hurt you, for any reason, contact your local police department and courthouse about filing for an Order For Protection. The fear of not wanting to violate your own order should be enough to keep you inline and not contact them. For most, it should be enough to keep them from contacting you as well.
Whenever you’re tempted to contact your ex, find something else to do. The best option, I’ve learned is to write. Start a journal. Every time you want to send them a text, or make a phone call, write down what you were going to say in that journal. At first, it will hurt because you will likely write about how much you love and miss them. But, eventually, you will find that your writing will become angry. Then..well…everyone is different so I can’t give you an order, but eventually, you’ll find yourself writing about acceptance.
This one may not always be possible, but if you can and/or want to. Do it! If you move, do not give him your new address. Do your best to not let them know where you’re living. It prevents them from showing up in the middle of the night, or really, any time of day, to try to convince you to return.
Call A Friend
If you get the urge to call your ex, call a friend instead. Chances are they’re going to talk you out of making that call and entertain you long enough that you lose the urge to do it. Talk to them about how you’re feeling. They’re there to help. Let them help you rationalize all of the feelings rolling around in your head and heart. It can be very confusing.
The better you feel, the less likely you are to go back to someone who isn’t good for you. If you’re leaving a bad relationship, you probably feel pretty bad about yourself. Not because you’re bad, or ugly, or fat, or useless, worthless, or any of the other names you’ve been called, but because you’ve been told you’re those things until you start to believe them.
Get active and show that a**hole what he lost.
Find A New Hobby
I’m going to go out on a limb and say there is likely something you love to do. A hobby. Crafting, candle making, woodworking, repairing cars, etc. DO IT! Go out and keep yourself busy. Do something you enjoy. If you’re comfortable enough doing it, find something NEW. If there was something you’ve always wanted to try, but haven’t because you haven’t had time, now’s the perfect time to do it. You’re going to want to keep yourself distracted, so go ahead and find that new hobby.
Read A Book
This is my favorite of all the no contact tips. Here’s why.
When I read a book, I don’t just read it. I will actually get lost in its pages. I find myself riding in the squad car, or standing next to the medical examiner as they perform an autopsy. (I love murder mysteries, particularly James Patterson.) I forget about the world around me for a little while. I become part of the world the author has created and it helps me forget my problems.
So find a good book by your favorite author and sit down and read it. Let yourself get lost. Let yourself imagine being right there!
Listen To Music
I’m not talking about the sappy love songs that make you think about your ex. All the no contact tips on this list will be worthless if you do that.
Find a couple of songs that really empower you and make you realize you’re better off without the other person! A few of my personal favorites are:
Fight Song – Rachel Platten
You Should Be Sad – Halsey
Take A Bow – Rhianna
Dance Away My Broken Heart – Abby Anderson
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) – P!nk
Miss Me More – Kelsea Ballerini
Many of these songs are on my repeat list.
Do you have any no contact tips? What worked, or didn’t work, for you? Let us know in the comments!
Featured Image Credit: https://rinsebeforeuse.com/2019/02/01/the-no-contact-rule-the-answer-to-all-your-relationship-woes/
Lucky mom of three beautiful children ages 9, 11 & 12. I graduated with a double bachelor's degree in 2015 from Ashford University. One in Journalism and Mass Communications and the second in Public Relations and Marketing.