Exes! There like the unwanted gift under your Christmas tree. No matter how hard you try to get rid of them, they boomerang their way back. Its easy to get over a breakup, if you don’t see or communicate with them, but life always seems to have other ideas. It can easily begin to feel like the universe is against you when you bump into your ex, just after the breakup. When this happens its inevitable that a black hole of emotional thoughts will develop.
1. Deny, Deny, Deny.
The first moment you clap eyes on them, your first instinct is to deny that its even him. It can’t be him in the supermarket two streets from where he lives. That’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen him since our break-up. He must just have a scarily identical doppelganger running around.
2. Maybe he hasn’t seen me?
When you finally realise that it is in fact your ex boyfriend, there is still a shred of hope sparkling inside of you. Maybe he hasn’t seen you yet? Why do we think this? If we have seen someone, they most definitely have seen us. You know what? There probably doing the exact same thing as you; panicking.
3. Oh no! He’s seen me!
Well I can’t escape now. He has definitely seen me! He’s been waving for like ten seconds, I have to reply. Do I smile? Do I wave back? Do I act cool and shimmy myself over to him? Oh Christ. Why do I have to be pained with being so awkward?
4. I’m glad I wore my nice jeans
It’s so silly but I still want to look good even though I don’t have to impress him anymore. It’s the whole let him see what he’s missing thing. I mean I know he’s missing a hell of a good time because hello? I’m amazing. We may have had a break-up but I still want him to know that. Oh my god! I want the ground to swallow me up.
5. He’s coming over
Jeezy Peeps! Why am I cursed? Didn’t he say enough to me when we broke up two weeks ago? What more does he have to say. Damn he looks good. Jesus! Get you crap together woman. Okay incoming. Three. Two. One.
6. Okay! He actually looks like someone whose been hungover for days!
Has he always looked like this? Was I walking around without my contacts out our whole relationship? Has his nose always been this squished in between his eyes? He has definitely gained weight… clearly I have left a gaping whole in his universe.
7. Why is this so nerve-wracking?
I’ve spoken to him so many times. Why am I having a nervous breakdown at the thought of having to make small talk? Why are my hands shaking? Can he see my hands shaking? C’mon woman the whole of space can see your shaking hands. You’re like a person going through withdrawal.
8. He’s seen me naked
No wonder I’m so blooming nervous, he’s seen me naked! He’s seen all my flaws. This is super awkward! Oh no sex flashbacks! I do not want to be picturing this right now! Think of fluffy innocent dogs. Okay that’s better.
9. Does he think I’m still in love with him?
I am most definitely not and I do not want him thinking that I am. He was always so egotistical. Well I’ll have you know I downloaded tinder last week and I have been talking up a storm. Take that.
10. Yay he’s leaving! Now what I’ve come for, wine!
Well I’m glad that’s over with! That was more painfully embarrassing than a cervical screening. Why can’t he just move away from my city? Flaming rude human. Well, well, well this is something I have missed. Wine! Come here my old friend, your coming home with me and we are going to have a pleasant time. Without someone telling us that we can’t re-watch Mean Girls again. Some people wouldn’t know a classic if it hit them in the face.
Exes bring out the worst in us. Is this irrational? Would you act the same?