I get the appeal of falling in love with a nice guy. They make things easy, especially after dating a lot of guys that just weren’t nice at all. The problem is, I’ve discovered flaws in dating the nice guy to the point of deciding that maybe that quality of guy is just not for me. See, there’s a difference between a nice guy and the guy that is right for you. I simply believe that the “nice guy” is just not the guy that’s meant for me.
First, let’s define what a nice guy is.
A nice guy isn’t just someone who pays for dinner, because even the bad guys can do that. It’s not that they open doors for you either. It has more to do with their overall personality. They listen to you. They agree constantly. They try not to argue. They let you do your own thing as they take a step back from it all. A nice guy is someone who is generally passive in your relationship, because they don’t want to overstep boundaries. This is all great, but not if you want a relationship that grows and challenges you as an individual.
Just because he is a “nice guy” doesn’t mean he is the “right guy”.
Let’s be honest. When a guy is nice, he has no problem with saying it. It’s in a man’s nature to exemplify their good qualities, especially when it’s to the girl they are dating. Yea, maybe they will listen to everything you say. They will nod their heads in agreement and go out of their way to make you feel valuable in the relationship.
But, where does their value come in? They may consider themselves beneficial to a girl’s life, especially one that has always dated bad guys, but that doesn’t mean they actually are. Just because they’re nice, they expect to be appreciated for simple acts of courtesy. Just because they listen, they assume it’s enough—but I’d rather a guy listen, actually hear me, and then tell me I’m wrong if I am.
I don’t need someone to stare at me blankly as I speak. I need feedback, or else it’s as if I’m just talking to a wall. A quality, good guy will call you out on your shit. They will advise without mansplaining. They will come into your life and make a difference. They will do more than just be there, they will be involved.
A nice guy doesn’t challenge your life.
Most of the time, nice guys stay in their lane. They don’t want to challenge you, because they see your independence and spark. They don’t want to take it away, but fail to realize that relationships are about making that spark grow brighter.
It’s about challenging each other in effective ways to help one another grow as individuals. Most of the nice guys I’ve dated, step away from me. They are there, but not completely. They follow me around in social settings, but fail to join in the conversations. They live comfortably and calmly, while I want nothing more than to change the world around me constantly.
Maybe I’m just not nice guy material.
Maybe, it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not a nice girl and for me to try to convert into one is the actual issue. I fail to see the passion I usually do when I’m with a bad guy. I find excitement in the chase, the flames, the destruction and reconstruction of a relationship that I just can’t find with a nice guy. What I find is someone who is passive and that relies on me to take the lead in the relationship, which can get quite exhausting.
I can’t always be the one sparking the flame. I can’t always be the one trying to bring up issues in the relationship. I want to argue, because I believe in fighting for what you want. If there’s no fight, then what’s the point? I could be anyone to a nice guy. It won’t matter if he’s not willing to work hard in the challenges of a relationship.
I don’t need a nice guy. I need a guy who’s going to push me as much as I push him. I need a guy who is willing to fight for what he wants, not settle on whatever it is that’s in front of him.