While there are a LOT of things to do at Loyola, there are some things that are just not recommended. Here is a list of ten things you should literally never do at Loyola University Chicago. Don’t even consider doing these things.
1. Never go to the Damen Cinema.
I can get movies online and from the comfort of my bed. Why would I go see new movies in a movie theatre for free with my friends? Nonsense. If you do choose to go here, like a fool, at least don’t get food from the food court to bring in because you don’t have to sneak food past. You can freely bring in a quesadilla or a burger or a milkshake.
2. Never go to any events put on by Loyola or the ((dop)).
Getting cheap tickets to see really good comedians? Going to sporting events for free? Going to see really good LUC bands? Going to events that don’t seem interesting but have free food? No thank you.
3. Never take a WTC class.
Why would I take a class in the middle of the city? With pretty urban views, unless you end up in the SOC basement? With a school provided shuttle with a scenic ride down Lake Shore Drive so you don’t have to take the train? It just adds 20-30 minutes until I can take my post-class nap. Pointless.
4. Never join an LC.
I don’t want to have to go to meetings with my friends on a topic I enjoy. I don’t want to form a close bond with people that I end up having classes with. I don’t really want to go out in the city or to events on campus with them. I ESPECIALLY don’t want to know everyone on my floor and be friends with them. It’s a bad idea.
5. Never go to the IC.
It’s that big glass building that’s open for 24 hours. Those solar-powered blinds are distracting when they move to accommodate the sunlight. Speaking of sunlight, if I get a chair facing the lake, the sunlight bouncing off the lake is too distracting. How am I supposed to write a paper with the lake RIGHT THERE?
6. Never go random roommate.
What am I going to do, leave my roommate up to chance? There’s no way that I can become roommates/soul mates/best friends with someone that this SCHOOL paired with me. It’s not like we’ll be able to order Insomnia and watch stand-up on Netflix after knowing each other for a few days.
7. Never go to Palm Court.
Spend extra time waiting for the Mundelien elevator to go to the fourth floor? To see that view of most of the campus? No thank you. Plus, it’s a more terrible place to study than the IC. Never take friends/family who come to visit up here.
8. Never go to the Loyola Farmers Market.
It’s only open when it’s nice out. Why would I spend real money on local fruits and vegetables and other goods? I eat a salad occasionally, why would I buy five cucumbers for a dollar? Also, why would I want to go somewhere that sells biosoap.
9. Never go to Late Night in De Nobli.
What kind of heathen do you think I am? I’d rather be in bed than sharing cheese fries and chicken nuggets with my friends, talking about our days.
10. Actually, just never go to Loyola.
It would make all of this so much easier to avoid. Why go to a school with a main campus several miles north of downtown Chicago, right on Lake Michigan? A place with many Insta-worthy views? A place with the greatest therapy dog? A place that has Sister Jean? It’s too easy to be distracted from the real purpose of college: studying and class. Unless, you really want to be distracted and go to one of the greenest schools in the country, love Chicago, and want a really pretty campus. Then be my guest and be a Rambler.