If you ever want to fit in and be a true eagle, you won’t even think about doing these things. Here are ten things you should never do at Florida Gulf Coast University.
1. Judge each other on our diets
Yes mac & cheese counts as breakfast and McDonalds three nights in a row for dinner is perfectly healthy, don’t act like you’re any better. And don’t get me started on Chipotle vs Moe’s both are equally as good, please don’t fight.
2. Talk about how hard your major is.
Yes we get it, your classes suck and your major is difficult and that’s such an original thing to say! Guess what? Muscle up buttercup, you picked it. Stop talking about it.
3. Judge people on their clothing choices.
Be proud of Derek, at least he came to campus at all. 90% of the girls at FGCU wear leggings to class, so to be real, the odd one out is really you.
4. Bring LOUD food to class.
DO NOT bring out Chick-Fil-A, a bag of Doritos, Papa John’s or any hot, good smelling, noisy food in class. Do you want me to steal your food? Because this is why I will steal your food. We don’t need to be distracted by your annoying NOM NOM NOMs OKAY?!
5. Stand in the middle of the path.
You will be run over with a skateboard or bike or my foot and for that matter…
6. Walking slowly on the path.
I will kick you if you walk slow in the middle of the road. I said it and I meant it.
7. Be THAT GUY in a group project.
You know exactly what I’m talking about – the person who doesn’t participate. The one who is never available to meet for the group project but whose Snapchat is always lit. The one who literally doesn’t know anything on the presentation date, brings the whole team down, and still expects their name to be on the presentation? Yeah me no thinks so.
8. Come to class under the influence.
Hahahahahahaha lol. No but really, please don’t.
9. Walk barefoot around campus.
DEREK. You are not Moana. You are not Pocahontas or Esmerelda or Lilo or Aurora or Giselle or any other Disney character that walks around barefoot! This is a UNIVERSITY! Put on some goddamn shoes you bloody animal!
10. Leave your laundry in the fucking washer all day.
Screw you! How dare you make my life 100x harder because I either have to wait for you to get back from Narnia, or I have to pull your dripping wet clothes out of the wash to put mine in. Be a damn adult ya nasty!