New relationships can be exhilarating and exciting right off the bat. The honeymoon phase is a very real thing, where you jump into a relationship quickly and intensely, usually without even a thought of if the new relationship is really what’s best for you. While whirlwind romances can be fun and feel good, they can sometimes end abruptly when you realize they’re not the best person for you. Here are 10 things you need to ask yourself before you enter a new relationship.
Do they respect me?
This question is SO important. You should never date someone who doesn’t respect you, yet so many people end up doing it anyways. Your significant other is supposed to value and respect you, not treat you badly and not respect your character or rights. If your new beau doesn’t listen to you, ignores your personal boundaries, purposely hurts you, doesn’t contribute to the relationship, or does anything along the lines of not valuing you as a person…it may not be a good idea to enter a relationship with them.
Why do I want to be in this relationship?
What’s your motive behind dating this person? Ask yourself if you want to be in the relationship because you really care for them, because you’re lonely, because you’re trying to get over your ex, because you’re bored, etc. If the answer to this question is something along the lines of you really like and care about this person, then go for it! If not, you may want to reconsider your new relationship. Don’t risk hurting yourself or the other person as a result of your faulty motive.
Do they make me a better person?
This might sound like a cliché, but it’s a valid question. The person you’re spending all this time with should both make you want to be a better person and make you naturally act towards being a better person. I’ve dated guys who actively made me act like an ass and it can seriously take a toll on your relationship with your friends and even more with yourself. I’m currently in a relationship with a guy who makes me want to be a better person all around and it feels a hell of a lot better to improve myself than to hinder my growth.
Do my friends and family members like them?
This question is tricky, partly because there’s no guarantee that your new partner will meet your friends and family before you make it official, but also because your friends and family will be your partners harshest critics. Consider this question if your friends or family have met your partner and have voiced actual concerns about them. After all, your friends and family know you best and aren’t blind by the honeymoon phase you’re currently stuck in.
Do you feel mentally ready to pursue a relationship?
I’ve failed to ask myself this question too many times and it’s led to some rocky and failed relationships. It’s completely possible to be in a relationship while also having some mental struggles of your own, but you have to be mentally and emotionally available to make a relationship work. While your significant other should be there to support you, you need to be mentally able to handle things on your own and not put all of your emotional needs on them.
Am I over my ex?
This is a tricky one. You can think about your ex years after a break-up and even have days where you miss them, which is perfectly normal. However, if you find that more days than not you’re thinking about how much you miss them and wishing they’ll come back to you, you shouldn’t be starting a new relationship. Not only is this not healthy for you, but more importantly, you’re hurting your new partner. Your partner deserves to be with someone who is constantly thinking about them, not your ex.
Disclaimer: First loves are a thing, and they’re nearly impossible to forget. You may never get over your first love which is FINE, but you must make the distinction that although they were your first love, you know that you no longer want to be with them.
Do they share traits with my ex?
Your ex is your ex for a reason. If things with your ex ended badly because of their selfishness, stubbornness, lack of care for you, etc., it may not be a good idea to get into a new relationship with someone who shares those traits. Keep moving forward! You deserve someone better than your ex, so don’t date someone who is exactly like them!
Do I act like myself around them?
While I mentioned that it’s important to be with someone who makes you act like a better person, it’s still just as important to still act like yourself in every other way. If you feel ashamed of your interests or quirks, then you either need to push through your insecurities and act like yourself or drop your new partner! The person you’re in a relationship with should make you feel comfortable enough in your own skin that you aren’t putting on a false character around them.
Do we share the same morals?
By this I don’t mean ALL the same morals. You can still be in a healthy relationship with someone even if they don’t agree with things like your morals when it comes to religion, but you should share a generic set of morals. Things like being kind, treating others with respect and fairness, being loyal, etc., are pretty important ideas that you should share with your partner. They don’t have to be perfect, but if you find that you don’t share any of the same morals, you may have to reevaluate going forward.
Do they make me feel good about myself?
This is one of the most important questions you should ask yourself. You deserve to be in a happy and loving relationship where YOU feel happy and loved. I’ve found myself in a relationship where my boyfriend would harshly point out my flaws and snap at me for no reason. He didn’t make me feel good or loved, but instead made me feel worthless. Get yourself a significant other who compliments you, makes you smile, makes you love yourself and treats you like the King/Queen you are! Trust me, it feels a whole lot better dating someone who constantly hypes you up and shows appreciation for you rather than someone who brings you down.
I know how easy it can be to jump into a new relationship without thinking about the consequences, but trust me, both you and your partner will benefit from asking yourself these questions.