Young "professional," Providence College grad, above average procrastinator, reality tv…
Breakups are a part of life and the silver lining of breakups is that you are able to learn a lot. Unfortunately, you have to go through heartbreak yourself in order to learn the lessons that come from it. It would be great if someone could just tell you all of these things before you had to learn the hard way, but that is not the case and you won’t understand until you’ve directly experienced it. Here are fifteen things you learn from a breakup that no one can teach you.
1. Just because you love someone does not mean it is meant to work out.
You can have a great and beautiful relationship where you love each other very much, but at the end of the day, you may be two different people. When you meet someone in college everything may seem perfect, but you both might have different ideas of how your life will look afterward, and sometimes, purely due to logistics, it can’t work. However, that does not take anything away from the time you shared together.
2. You really get to see someone’s character during a breakup.
Sometimes you date someone who you think is great, but they act immature and childish during a breakup. They may even have a mean streak that you never saw before or chose to ignore. A breakup will bring out a person’s true character.
3. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it.
Point blank, crying solves nothing. Obviously, if you need to express your sadness then let it out, but accepting that it is over and trying to move on is what you need to do. You may feel horrible inside but you learn to put one foot in front of the other.
4. It has nothing to do with your self-worth.
The relationship had nothing to do with you not being good enough or the person you were with not thinking the world of you. Maybe they didn’t appreciate you enough or maybe they did but regardless you are still an awesome person.
5. You will love again.
You don’t have one shot at love. You might think you’ll never feel close to someone again, but you will. Your next relationship might be completely different, but you will find it with someone else.
6. Time heals all wounds.
Feelings are fleeting, even feelings of love. They fade eventually. The more you distance yourself from the person and the memories associated with the relationship the easier it will be to move on. It can be hard at first to throw certain things out because of their emotional value. If you were broken up with it really feels like things are completely over when everything is gone, but it is for the best.
7. It isn’t your fault.
If you keep replaying scenarios over and over in your head wishing you did certain things differently then you will never be able to move on. You probably could not have done anything to change the outcome. Chances are the breakup was inevitable.
8. You can’t change someone.
You cannot control anyone but yourself, and you cannot change someone to fit into a mold that you want. Once the relationship is over you may start to romanticize it, but you have to realize that it was not perfect and stop only thinking about the good times.
9. Validation and happiness come from within.
You need to have self-love. Don’t look for validation in someone else because you will always be disappointed. You are an amazing person on your own, without anyone telling you or validating your every decision. Also, your happiness cannot be contingent upon someone else or their opinion of you.
10. Don’t lose yourself in someone else.
You are still you! You lived for many many years without them and you will live for many years afterward. If you feel completely lost without them keep in mind that you can clearly survive without them. Get back to doing things that make you happy and don’t lose sight of that.
11. Take time for yourself.
It is imperative to know who you are on your own. I’ve said this time and time again, at the end of the day the only person you have is you.
12. Don’t be in love with love.
Being in love with someone and being in love with the idea of someone are two completely different things. Sometimes people want companionship so badly that they don’t take time to consider whether they are actually happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Love is a verb and it is about give and take. Don’t just love someone to hear someone say they love you.
13. Pay attention to red flags.
When you are in love it is easy to ignore red flags and brush them under the rug. As I said in number 2, you are really able to see someone’s true colors when you break up. If they were rude to other people during your relationship and never you, you may realize once you break up that the dynamic switches and you’re on the other side of the equation.
14. It will get better.
The pain will go away I promise. You will stop feeling like you could cry at the drop of a hat, or that you want to stay in bed all day.
15. Always put yourself first.
Your mental health and happiness are what is most important. You need to take however much time you need recover from the breakup and don’t force yourself to do anything too soon. It can be liberating to give yourself time to recover and re-cooperate.
Any more things you learn from a breakup? Let us know in the comments down below!
Young "professional," Providence College grad, above average procrastinator, reality tv enthusiast, high profile contributing member of society.