Jamilah is an "uncommonly rare, very unique, peripatetic, poetic, and…
We are all bound to have completely unique experiences as college students, especially at a school as diverse as the University of Miami. However, the inevitable is upon us, fellow Hurricanes. If you’ve been around for a while, then the odds are extremely high that you’ve been triggered, traumatized, or touched by the following 10 experiences. If you’re new to campus or a prospective student, then honey, buckle up because you’re in for a wild ride. You’re bound to experience at least one, if not all, of these things during your college career in the 305.
1. You Will Get Gassed Up by Johnnie Mae and the Lovely Ladies of Einstein’s Bagels.
If you eat at the Einstein’s Bagels in the Law School and are kind to the employees, then you are bound to be showered in compliments by the women that work behind the counter. The most notorious of them all is University of Miami’s favorite Auntie: Johnnie Mae. As soon as you arrive at the order counter, she will greet you with “How you doin’ babycakes?” If you’re one of her veteran “babycakes” such as myself, which means you eat at Einstein’s so often that they know your order by heart, she will have a conversation with you about your whole life in the span of her brewing a single coffee. There are days where I go into Einstein’s not to order a french toast breakfast bagel and strawberry lemonade, but to have a confidence boost on a day when I’m feeling low. The lovely ladies behind the counter are always kind, considerate, and ready to hype up whatever outfit I’m wearing. All in all, the Einstein’s Bagels in the Law School is the overall best place to be at the University of Miami.
2. You Will Be Chased by a Flock of Evil Ducks, Ibises, or Both.
If you have as unfortunate luck as I do, then odds are you’ve been terrorized by the invasive animals that reside on our campus. The “War on Ducks” has been a hot topic ever since I began attending the University of Miami. I didn’t believe that there was anything wrong with them except for the fact that they poop everywhere. Nevertheless, my opinion quickly altered. Let’s just say that both ducks and ibises absolutely adore the smell of fresh hot wings from Publix. They will do anything to get their hands on some. They don’t care if you just bought them and minding your own business. Before you know it you will be swarmed by 100+ birds while a passersby films you and posts videos on their Snapchats.
3. You Will Get Frustrated with Canelink.
As students, we all know how problematic Canelink can be. As a freshman at University of Miami, learning how to navigate Canelink was more stressful than finishing the UMX100 course before the deadline. Why is it so hard to download your unofficial transcript? Why is the process to register for classes unnecessarily confusing and extensive? I need answers.
4. You Will Run Into a Celebrity on Campus.
Maybe my luck isn’t as unfortunate as I thought. I have seen and met about 6 celebrities in less than 2 years on campus such as Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Josh Gad, etc. You might think that things like that are extremely unlikely but the University of Miami low-key always has celebrity guest appearances. For instance, many student organizations like to bring in celebrities as guest speakers or performers for specific events. University of Miami has hosted people other than the aforementioned such as Broadway star and former reality TV contestant, Alex Newell, award-winning actress Gabrielle Union, and many others.
5. You Will Find Yourself Adopting Miami Slang.
Once you adapt to the ‘Cane life, you are bound to eventually find a change in your speech pattern. Whether it be you embracing your inner cubanissimo like Mr. 305 himself a.k.a. Pitbull, or simply adopting generic statements from undergrad students such as “What frat are we hitting tonight?” or “Do you have an extra Juul pod?” You will notice you’re not speaking as you did before you came to the University of Miami. Pero like no te preocupes–It’s completely normal, bro. It’s nice to have 305 pride and tell those closest to you, “Love you, go Canes”.
6. You Will Find Secret Sleeping Spots.
Sometimes, life is just really hard and you need a minute to rest. It might take time, but I am convinced that everyone has somewhere to nap in the middle of the day. I have caught people napping in the hammocks outside of Cox, on the couches in the Theater Department lobby, or anywhere with an empty, dry glider. Opportunities are endless at the University of Miami.
7. You Will Be Lured to Events You Weren’t Originally Planning to Attend with the Promise of Free Things.
It gets the best of us. Free food, T-shirts, and a plethora of other prizes are constantly on display at the University of Miami. The gag is that there is always a catch. Sometimes, you have to take a standardized test in order to get a free doughnut from The Salty Donut. After you hop through hoops of fire in order to get the free thing that you wanted, you’ll end up wanting to stay because you already made the effort to leave your house. So, why not?
8. You’ll End Up Despising FSU Just as Much as the Rest of the State of Florida.
“F You, Seminoles” is a common war chant shouted by ‘Canes fans at almost any venue imaginable. Every University of Miami football game, Thursday nights at Tavern, ‘Cudas, Sandbar, or even frat parties are commonplaces for the recitation of this chant. Sometimes you might not even realize why you hate FSU. You will be engulfed by the excitement of the crowd you’re in that, you too, will find yourself screaming at the top of your lungs, “F You, Seminoles! Seminoles, F You!”.
9. You’ll Spend All of your Money On ‘Cane Gear.
Anyone who is anyone knows that the turnover chain was the most iconic, most wanted accessory of the 2017 season. Almost every team we played tried to make faux turnover chains, but no school was successful in implementing as much swag as we did in our chain. The University of Miami turnover chain was so popular that ‘Canes fans and students were spending good money on their very own chains to sport at football games. However, your game-day ‘fit can’t consist of just the chain. You might walk past the bookstore and see the perfect tailgate top displayed in the window and you just have to have it. So, you go inside the store to get the top and then you see the cutest temporary tats, pom poms, sunglasses, bucket hats and other minuscule accessories that are a must-have for your game-day ‘fit.
10. Dade County Will Become Your Second Home.
This is especially for the prospective students, freshman, or those still iffy about staying at the University of Miami. Some of these things might seem overwhelming, exciting, or both. Sometimes you may feel unfortunate and hungry birds attack you every day. That won’t happen as long as you don’t walk around with fresh hot wings. Jokes aside, if you give the University of Miami a chance, you might realize that you actually like all of the things that make UM what it is–the good and the bad. There are so many places to explore and you can see it all within the comfort of our beautiful campus. Carpe diem, ‘Canes! Dale!
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Featured Image Source: weheartit.com
Jamilah is an "uncommonly rare, very unique, peripatetic, poetic, and chic" Sophomore B.F.A. Musical Theatre major at the University of Miami. She is a lover of fashion and makeup and an avid social media user. Follow her on Twitter to follow the hilarious melodrama that is her everyday life @boomboxxchica.