Your twenties are a time of regret and life altering decisions. They’re a time of brief peaks and never ending troughs. Part of that sequence of troughs is regretting every last word you say. So to allow you to cherish all the dumb things you and your friends have said, I compiled a list of the ten things people in their twenties say. Enjoy.
1. “I feel so old.”
You’re not old! Saying that you are is such an egocentric, absurd way of garnering attention, because many of your friends and acquaintances are probably actually old. They don’t want to hear a young, naive person subtly claiming to have both youth and experience. Life unfortunately rarely works that way. You either have one or the other. People in their twenties can’t have both.
2. “I’m an old soul.”
If you’re gauche enough to boast that you have an old soul, you’re probably not as wise as you think you are. I’ve heard so many people in their twenties say this. Confronting your flaws and striving to repair them is a huge part of growing up. A lack of self-awareness is an indication that you’re not on the path to self-improvement. Similarly, an awareness of your flaws without a willingness to admit to those flaws is a sign of stagnation as well. Continuous reshaping is a necessary part of human existence. Otherwise, you’re perpetuating harmful cycles. Believing that you have an “old soul” is a sign of a complete lack of self-reflection. You’re young and dumb. Face the reality of your situation.
3. “I have a dark sense of humor.”
Ah, people in their twenties love to brag about their outrageous sense of humor, as if they’re alone in their wicked laughter. In truth, society is shifting toward a love of the outrageous. The internet facilitates the spread of various art forms, which leads to heated competition. People are battling for attention through loud simplicity. And comedians aren’t the exception. Comedy is being degraded to dark, absurd shock value. Edgy and easily digested humor is what brings in the dough. Therefore, having a “dark sense of humor” is the most boring quality a person could have. You might as well ramble about your obsession with cat videos.
4. “I’m just going to end it.”
Although this line can fall under the last one, it’s particularly disturbing, because, although it’s sometimes purely facetious, there’s often some truth to it. I’m not going to argue that suicide can’t be funny, because it can be. And rarely does a day go by that I don’t use some variation of this hyperbole. But like I hinted at before, a statement like this typically masquerades as a joke. In reality, suicide jokes are discreet ways of speaking the truth, of making your feelings implicitly known. They stem from an aversion toward direct vulnerability. Suicidal tendencies should be transparent. If you’re labeled as an attention seeker, then so be it. Someone in your life will have the understanding to reach out.
5. “I’m weird.”
Out of all the cringey lines on this list, this one has to be the most irksome. Please stop saying this. It’s just such socially inept braggadocio. We know. You’re different. You’re random. Other people in their twenties don’t understand your profound complexity. But I think I may have the wisdom to grasp it. You’re a twenty year old outcast who flaunts your weirdness as a sign of your superiority. In actuality, you are deeply insecure and simplistic in the way you perceive people. You’re so narcissistic that you don’t take the time to know your friends, yet you still believe yourself to be more interesting than them. You’re a cynic and not a very knowledgeable one.
6. “I’m fat.”
Despite there being a burgeoning knowledge in nutrition and exercise, American kids are still overweight. Either accept that you’re shortening your life or do something about it. I know that’s a simple solution to a complex problem. But remember that it’s important to be well rounded. Sacrificing your health to be a bookworm doesn’t lead to the greatest fulfillment. Set aside time to exercise and outline a healthy diet. Don’t waste time complaining about your inability to lose weight.
7. “I know I have potential. I’m just lazy.”
Industriousness is stressed in the United States but not with an acknowledgement of the difficulty of acquiring it. Sure you can work to be industrious, but few people have the will power to go above and beyond what’s expected of them. In terms of numbers, plenty of people have comparable IQs to Albert Einstein’s estimated IQ. Disregarding the flaws in IQ tests, only an extremely small minority of those people are industrious enough to even come close to his level of success though. In short, talent is overrated, and indolence is a major obstacle to success. Young people not only need to understand the value of hard work, but how to become hard working.
8. “I’m going to travel the world.”
An inquisitive mind is cute when you’re five but not when you’re twenty and have bills to pay. That dream vacation is waiting for you later in life. For now, read up on an ancient Rome and the pyramids in Egypt. A knowledge of those places will heighten your curiosity and make the trip even more enjoyable. Likewise, learn about different cultures from the perspective of scholars and locals. Travelling the world isn’t the only way to be mesmerized by it.
9. “I hate my job.”
This is a complaint that people in all age groups have, but it’s particularly common among twenty-year-olds. My advice is that if you hate your job, quit it. Yes, things won’t necessarily be greener on the other side, but at least you’re attempting to improve your situation. The last thing you would want to do is let a nine to five job hasten your death. So take risks! Your twenties are not a time to waste on insufferable coworkers dead end jobs.
10. “I’m slowly realizing how unremarkable I am.”
You may think your life is useless, but I’m sure your loved ones would beg to differ. Amidst all the nihilistic woes and self loathing that people in their twenties have, know that you mean a hell of a whole lot to someone. And beyond his or her love for you, you’re a part of the whole. In a sense, you are the whole. Your beating heart is in sync with the world around you. You’re a beautiful product of the earth, and your existence doesn’t cease after your last breath. Whether in the form of decaying matter or a beautiful flower, your body will exist forever and ever. At least that’s what I’ve been told by wise people who have survived their twenties.