10 Things Every UIUC Student Asks Themselves

The life of a college student can be an incredible blessing, but also a terrible curse. There are some amazing, wonderful things about UIUC and college in general, but there are also some aspects you just can’t help but call into question. If you’ve ever pondered some of these quirks and struggles of the Illini experience, you’re not alone – here are 10 things every UIUC student asks themselves.

1. Is it worth gambling with my life to get to class 30 seconds sooner and cross the street before the light changes?

The obvious answer to this question is no, but when its one minute until class starts and you’ve kicked your walking speed into maximum overdrive, and by some miracle you’ve almost made it to your building, only to be stopped by the dreaded “Do Not Walk” sign, it becomes a valid question. Special shout out to the one risk taker who is the first to cross the street after the cars stop, but before the walk sign is on. Not all heroes wear capes.

2. If I wear the clothes I wore to my Monday class on Tuesday, will anyone notice? Will they care? Will I?

Ultimately the answer to all of these questions is typically no. It’s none of your Monday Wednesday Friday people’s business what you wear on Tuesday and Thursday.

3. Why do I need to bench press 300lbs a day just to open the UGL doors?

If you’ve been to UIUC’s Undergraduate Library, you know this feeling. The feeling that your arm might actually detach from the socket upon entrance to your group project meeting.

4. If it was summer yesterday and winter today, what does that make tomorrow?

The weather in Illinois is notoriously unpredictable, but with climate change added to the mix, planning according to the weather is next to impossible. To play it safe, just always dress in layers…and bring a coat…and a hat and gloves…and an umbrella…and possibly sunblock.

5. Where is Antonio’s?

Possibly the greatest thing about campus, the infamous Antonio’s Pizza, tragically closed its doors last winter. The beloved restaurant left us so suddenly, even now it is easy to forget it has passed on to pizza heaven. Please remove your caps in a moment of silence for the long lost legend of Green street.

6. What on earth is wrong with the squirrels here?

If you’ve ever had an interaction with a squirrel at UIUC (which, if you’ve ever spent 5 consecutive minutes or more on campus, I guarantee you you have) you probably noticed something is just off with these little guys. Maybe it’s their weight, or the ungodly size of the population, perhaps it’s the fact that they have no fear whatsoever, or how they have impressively mastered the jump scare (the worst is when they hide in the trash cans). Or maybe it was simply the cold, distant, glossed over, yet somehow alert and menacing look in their eyes. Regardless of what tipped you off, it is clear that these squirrels could tell you things that would keep you up at night.

7. Why is there a person biking on the sidewalk when there is a bike lane right there?

There is little as terrifying a feeling as the heart attack brought on by almost being hit by a biker when walking to class. Its almost as painful as seeing the bike lane literally inches away and knowing this interaction was entirely preventable.

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8. Why is there a person walking in the bike lane when there is a sidewalk right there?

Of the few things more terrifying than almost being hit by a bike on the sidewalk, almost hitting someone with your bike in the bike lane takes the cake. There may not be as much physical pain, but plenty of emotional pain results from the awkward side-step-apology-trying-to-get-around-each other aftermath. 

9. Due tomorrow means do tomorrow, right?

Of all the maxims found in the treasure trove of advice that is the unofficial college kid handbook, this one may be the most referenced at UIUC. Procrastination is hard to conquer, but so is watching The Office in its entirety for the fourth time, you’ve got to pick your battles.

10. Where am I, how did I get here, and how do I get out?

This series of questions is often asked in somewhat of a panic, 2 minutes before a meeting in The English building, The Armory, Altgeld, Huff Hall, or anywhere on campus that is more of a labyrinth than a building. With staircases that lead to nowhere and elevators that stop after one floor, its easy to lose your cool along with your sense of direction.

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